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Residential segregation in the United States - Wikipedia
Antonin Artaud: Theatre of Cruelty Essay. Antonin Artaud’s most profound piece of work was not a poem, not a play, not an essays on residential segregation acting role, but a theory: Artaud’s Theatre of Cruelty. Thesis Languages? He began to essays on residential, form his Theatre of paper Cruelty theory after learning of the on residential segregation, Balinese theatre that seemed, to workplace, him, to share qualities with his ideas about theatre. Artaud held a great respect for Balinese theatre which revolves around dance and actions to convey meaning (Encyclopedia Britannica). Essays On Residential Segregation? More traditional theatre revolves around words to convey meaning. Artaud believed that the specificity of verbal interpretations got in the way of true meaning and dissertation office university of chicago, that using physical gestures to express thoughts was more effective (Encyclopedia Britannica).
He looked at drama as more of on residential segregation a physical act than a recitation of a script. The entire form of theatre, in his view, needed to be different to suit his new idea that the purpose of theatre was to for a paper, express the on residential segregation, cruelty of human beings (Encyclopedia Britannica). Artaud was very liberal in his ideas for this new theatre. He was specific in what he wanted out of the new theatre. He had many plans for how it would function and many dreams of the effect it would bring to it’s audiences as well as the art form as a whole.
Antonin Marie Artaud was born in for a research paper 1846 in Marseille France to on residential segregation, his Greek parents, Euphrasie Nalpas and Antoine-Roi Artaud. He was one of the two surviving children out of nine, but he was very ill. Many of office of chicago his problems can be attributed to his early childhood illnesses and the way they were treated. As a child, Artaud suffered from meningitis of the essays on residential, brain, neuraligia, and clinical depression. Since he was an unhealthy child, he was treated with opium which began his life-long addiction.
As a young man Artaud was smart, handsome, and capable. He wrote poetry, but his main focus was theatre. He also acted in science is blessing or curse plays and directed theatre. While he was never well-known, he gave his life up to writing and essays, excelled at it. His aptitude for writing strange-yet-interesting pieces was a result of his demented mind. He had strange ideas that were both brilliant and misunderstood. The opium and mental illness that brought Artaud his skill in writing took a toll on his body and were his eventual downfall.
Artaud spent some years of his life going in and out of mental hospitals. He lived a fast, short life nd he died at the young age of 52 in a psychatric clinic. People may never definitely know whether Artaud was really intellectually inspired by is blessing or curse, the drugs he was so addicted to, but one might hope that the drugs that took his life away from him at such an essays on residential segregation early age served some sort of useful purpose. Such an odd man would seem to be more well-known, when in fact Artaud and his theories are so obscure that little can be found on them in any reliable resources. To fully understand Artaud’s Theatre of Cruelty completely, one must first understand the meaning Artaud puts into the word cruelty. He used the words in many different ways to express his own philosophies. Artaud, according to Lee Jamison, used the word cruelty to apply to many differerent philosophies and views of his. Essay Introduction And Thesis? More specifically, she defines four different ways Artaud included the concept of cruelty in his theories. The first of Artaud’s conceptual definitions of cruelty is the “essense of human existence” (Jamison). This definition of cruelty is that human life has no meaning, which is a cruel thought indeed.
This definition shows Artaud’s jaded persepctive of life. He believed that life had no meaning and that theatre should show everyone else the cruel fact that he knew to be true. The second definition is cruelty as a practice, the practice of cruelty being breaking away from “false reality” (Jamison). He believed that everyone was living a lie and should just accept reality rather than ignoring the truth. Artaud’s third cruelty concept is that he believed that the on residential, audience should be exposed to cruelty by means of the theatre experience. He did not just want the audience to see cruelty up on the stage; he wanted to put them in the middle of it all and to experience it themselves. He wanted all barriers to be erased and for the audience to become part of the action in drama (Jamison). In this way the audience could have a better understanding of the concept Artaud was so eager to put on display in the theatre. The fourth and last interpretation of cruelty is Artaud’s own personal views.
He considered everything imaginable to be reality (Jamison). If it could be thought up, it was real. This ties in with the willing suspension of disbelief which means what the audience is experiencing in the theatre is real in a way. The characters become people that the example essay and thesis statement, audience cares about. Essays On Residential? Understanding the many meanings Artaud put on one word, cruelty, is vital to understanding his meaning in his theory of Theatre of Cruelty. Artaud’s theories could very well be the work of communication a misuderstood genious carrying a jem of precious intellect. He makes many valid points in his writing. Perhaps life is essays just a cruel, meaningless existence. One could never know without blind faith. There is no science to page for a paper, prove that life has a deeper meaning other than to live and reproduce.
If facing the truth is cruel then Artaud believed that all people should stand up to cruelty and look it in on residential segregation the face. Essay Workplace? Artaud could be right in on residential segregation saying that people should not live a lie. Putting an audience in a dramiatic situation is a marvelous idea if not taken too far. His theories may have been the beginnings of improvisational theatre or may have even spawned the modern day house of horrors. Artaud could be right about saying that even things that exist only in the mind are real. Reality is merely perception. Example And Thesis Statement? Whether one can think of something or tangibly experience it, it is real in their perception. Artaud had many excellent ideas and on residential, theories that carry on thesis programming languages, with humanity through today. Segregation? Artaud’s theories very well may be the jumbled-up imaginations and creations of a drug-addicted mad man. Perhaps his mental instability made him look at life through a distorted looking glass. What he saw was there, he was merely twisting it.
Life itself being cruel sounds exactly like an exaggeration a depressed person would make. Life can be wonderful in so many ways. Existence itself is languages no cruelty to mankind. Existence merely forces the living to eat and breath, nothing more. Society may be a cruelty to mankind, but then again civilization is on residential segregation not innate. That people tend to avoid the truth is a terribly large generalization to make. It sounds like it was just made up.
There is no evidence put behind it at all. Putting an workplace audience through cruelty by making them part of a play is very cruel indeed. It may be so cruel that it serves no purpose at all, except to drive people away from the theatre. Looking at it reasonably and scientifically, if something cannot be seen, smelled, heard, touched, or tasted, one can never know if it is actually there. It almost sounds like something that would come out of the mouth of on residential segregation someone mentally ill.
The main problem with no one adopting Artaud’s theatre was that immense changes would have to communication workplace, be made to the art in itself. Buildings would have to be changed so that the audience could be part of the action in plays. Essays Segregation? Writers would have write in a way that demonstrated Artaud’s theories. His precise and thought-out ideas for and thesis statement, the theatre were too specific to be conformed to easily. Essays On Residential Segregation? If the changes had not been so drastic, theatres very well may have adapted and become Theatres of essay communication Cruelty.
Artaud was very particular in essays on residential his theories. All of Artaud’s theories tied in very closely to one another. To conform to one of essay Artaud’s ideas without conforming to any other would be an immense challenge. University/College: University of segregation California. Type of example of an essay and thesis statement paper: Thesis/Dissertation Chapter. Essays On Residential? Date: 17 September 2016. Let us write you a custom essay sample on Antonin Artaud: Theatre of dissertation university of chicago Cruelty. for only essays on residential, $16.38 $13.9/page. Haven't found the Essay You Want? Get your custom essay sample. For Only $13.90/page.
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Residential segregation in the United States - Wikipedia
resume monarchical NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF US INDEPENDENCE. NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE (2000) The Revocation of Indpendence as executed by Alan Baxter Peter Rieden, 8 th Nov 2000, apparently inspired by an email sent by Dan Fox (who claims to be the ultimate originator) or Kevin O'Connor (who also claims to be the ultimate originator). This version was compiled 21 st Nov 2000, compiled from several different versions. Early drafts, showing how it grew, are further down. On Residential Segregation! Responses and related pieces are also included further down. Important note: The Revocation of Independence is example and thesis, NOT by John Cleese. Essays Segregation! During 2005, a version was wrongly attributed to him and was circulated crediting Cleese as the author. He did not write it. Dissertation University Of Chicago! It was present on on residential segregation Usenet and the Internet long before his name became associated with it.
To the citizens of the essay introduction and thesis statement, United States of America, In the light of on residential segregation your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. A Cover Page Research Paper! Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for essays on residential segregation the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at programming languages, just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in on residential words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the the chase essay, letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to essays on residential spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. The Chase Essay! You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh.
You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as like and essays segregation, you know is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to of an essay use bad language as often. 2. Segregation! There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to programming take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and on residential, the elimination of -ize. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to thesis programming languages Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is on residential segregation, no such place as Devonshire in example of an essay introduction England. The name of the essays, county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Essay Science Is Blessing! Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and essays segregation, watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, but only after fully carrying out of an essay statement, task 1. We would not want you to get confused and essays on residential, give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is essay communication, a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in essays segregation time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to essay American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). Essays On Residential Segregation! We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by a cover page research paper, 2005.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the on residential, 'World Series' for a game which is languages, not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is essays on residential segregation, a world beyond your borders, your error is university, understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. 7. On Residential! You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of science is blessing or curse you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys. Merde is French for 5hit. Segregation! You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in the chase essay public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to essays on residential handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 8. July 4th is essay introduction, no longer a public holiday. On Residential! November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. Languages! It will be called Indecisive Day. 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. Essays Segregation! When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. Communication Workplace! You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. Essays On Residential! At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of the chase essay humour. 10. You will learn to make real chips.
Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of essays segregation sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the essay or curse, city of Boston itself. 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. Segregation! The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only essay science or curse be handled by essays on residential, adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun. 15. Programming Languages! Please tell us who killed JFK. On Residential! It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to dissertation office of chicago 1776).
Thank you for your cooperation. (2000) ALAN BAXTER'S NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE. From a company Intranet newsgroup and read: London, 8th November 2000. To the citizens of the United States of essays segregation America, 2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of God save the essay is blessing or curse, Queen 3. Start referring to soccer as football. 4. Declare war on Quebec. (2000) PETER RIEDEN'S NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
The following is the text of a message which was communicated to President Clinton at 07:30 (EST) today: To the essays segregation, citizens of the United States of America from Her Britannic Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II. USANIAN FORM OF 15 POINT NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE. November 8, 2000. To the Subjects of Her Majesty, the example of an and thesis statement, Queen of England, To the essays, citizens of the United States of America: In light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA, and thus to example of an introduction and thesis govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of essays on residential your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories including New Jersey. To aid in the transition to example of an a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the essays on residential, following acts: 1. Look up revocation in the now official Oxford Dictionary.
Start spelling English words correctly. 2. Learn at least the first four lines of God Save The Queen. 3. Start referring to soccer as football. 4. Declare war on Quebec and France. 5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason. 6. Office Of Chicago! Close down the National Football League. Learn to play rugby.
7. Enjoy warm, flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. 8. Train waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and segregation, not to tell you their names before you eat. 9. A Cover Page For A Research! July 4th is no longer a public holiday; this has been replaced with Nov. 5. 10. All members of essays segregation this British Crown Dependency will be required to take six weeks annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks. 11. Driving on of chicago the left side of the road is now compulsory. Recall all vehicles to effect the change immediately. 12. Report to our Consulate General in segregation New York for your new passport and job allocation.
13. Languages! Have Meg Ryan report to Prince Andrew's bedchamber. 14. Add the royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument and essays segregation, the Queen's Christmas speeches to the Lincoln Memorial. 15. Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation and have a nice day. (2000) REPLY TO THE NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE. November 8, 2000. To the Subjects of Her Majesty, the Queen of England, In the light of your failure to prevent us from kicking you out in the 18th century and doing as we damn well please, we hereby notify you that you can keep it down over there before we take notice. Sure, historically America really doesn't pay much attention to essay workplace the rest of the segregation, world. But when someone does catch our eye, we tend to carpet bomb them to a pre-industrial state.
It may not be right, or fair, but it is a trend. Programming Languages! I suggest you keep it in mind. To aid in your realization that you should pipe down, the following facts are listed: 1. American English is distinct from British English. Our aluminum is a lovely silver color, and we do not 'armour' our tanks, thank you. 2. When you can tell the difference between an Alabama and Louisiana accent, I'll pay attention to the difference between a Londoner's and a Yorkshireman's accents. 3. Essays Segregation! Rather than God save the Queen; you should learn The Battle Hymn of the Republic.
After all, if it weren't for American soldiers you'd speak German today, twice over. And if it weren't for American bread, butter, etc., you would have been starving while we saved your little old island from the Hun. 4. If I were to throw an American football block on football player, he'd be out of the game and I'd be ejected. If I were to throw a real tackle on a rugby player, he'd be maimed. The pads in American football are to keep you from being crippled or killed.
Just because rugby players tear their ears in a group hug called a 'scrum'doesn't make them tough. You want tough? You put YOUR arms in theair while a 322 pound (46 stone) man slams into you at a dead sprint and still catch the ball. Dissertation Office University! That's tough. 5. If you can't settle the French's hash, find someone else. Essays On Residential Segregation! After all, they have lost to everyone *but* the British this century.
6. The irony of a Brit complaining about American cars is too much. I've driven British cars and communication workplace, they're like a Hyundai, but poorly made. When someone else comes up with an idea as good as the muscle car, we'll think about it. To sum it all up, we really aren't interested in your opinion. Another immediate response from the US mentioned something about a large shipment of Tea (the Boston Tea Party for those not required to on residential segregation study US history). Then there was this . The Supreme Court of Florida has instructed me to post the following to ensure strict balance in these turbulent times.
DECLARATION OF ANNEXING THE BRITISH ISLES AS PART OF THE USA. To the imperialist British colonizers. In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency, your dissatisfaction with the dissertation university, European Union, your bickering with European Governments and essays, the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a State of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to science replace your old postal districts. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London. Princess Diana will be declared a saint. On Residential Segregation! You have already assimilated so much American culture that you are unlikely to notice the transition. Programming! To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up aluminum in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are mispronouncing it. Learn to live with it. You are, of course welcome to essays on residential your idiosyncratic and office university of chicago, illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you wanted it pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in on residential the first place. Science Or Curse! You will quit using words such as fortnight. The correct term is essays, a two week period.
You will learn words such as credenza, intern and chad. 2. There is no such thing as UK English. UK English is the the chase essay, relic of a defunct colonialist power which attempted to segregation impose British English linguistic superiority on dissertation office university a nation which has a higher number of English speakers. 3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish the essays segregation, American and Canadian accents. Programming! American accents are not limited to redneck drawls or New York accents. On Residential Segregation! Mainland Americans have more than enough accents to cope with in our own country, so all British dramas will now bear subtitles, especially those made in impenetrable dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie. To make life easier for mainland America, all British films and TV programs must use American vocabulary and programming, accents; Scotch characters will wear plaid, Irish characters will have shamrocks on essays on residential them, Welsh characters will not be used since we don't have Welsh Americans, and English characters will wear bowler hats and pinstripes. 4. The British film industry will no longer portray all Americans as cowboys, rednecks, trailer trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood will continue to use Mockney and Posh British accents as this makes it easier for viewers to identify which characters are British. You can have Hugh Grant back.
He's a lousy actor and we don't want him either. All British films will be made in Hollywood where the weather and scenery are better. Your film industry is already unable to make a halfway-decent film which doesn't contain a American in the starring role. Essay Science! All American characters should be 'good guys'. 5. You will learn your new national anthem The Star Spangled Banner.
It shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university and your places of work. Segregation! Your Union Flag will be hung up any damn way we wish so stop bitching about it being upside down. If there was meant to be a right way up you should have made it simpler. For A! All Union flags will be replaced by the Stars and Stripes over a 12 month period of time. 6. You should stop playing soccer and essays on residential, rugby. There is no need to have two games, one of which is confusingly like Football and one of which is of an and thesis, called football but patently isn't real football. Essays On Residential! If it doesn't require 45 pounds of padding, it isn't football.
You should also stop playing cricket. Americans can't understand the rules. If you insist on playing this game which is only played by former British colonies, you will introduce a simplified scoring system, timeouts, colored strips and cheerleaders to thesis programming make it more interesting. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be declared a draw. 7. Essays! In films, as in real life, we decide who the or curse, bad guys are.
The bad guys are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. Essays! You will cease using the word cinema. They are movie theaters. The snippets of forthcoming films are not trailers they are teasers. 8. November 5 th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on November 5 th , we will help you to blow up your Houses of dissertation office university of chicago Parliament.
You won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated there. Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned. Instead, you will go hunting with a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and enough guns and ammo to equip a private militia. Essays On Residential! There is also no such activity as caravanning. It is properly called camping. The thing boy scouts do with tents and a cover page research, bedrolls is called tenting. 9. Roundabouts will be banned.
What is the point of essays turning left in order to turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will start driving on the right with immediate effect. Of An Essay And Thesis Statement! Most of the world drives on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on essays on residential a red light if safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not permitted in all areas. 10. Thesis! Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations. You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to on residential be served cold.
The warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans. 11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to sue somebody at least once per thesis programming year - be inventive. Essays Segregation! It is compulsory to example essay and thesis have therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional.
Name your children after interesting medical conditions. 12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless they have a legitimate reason to do so i.e. they plan to gun down the population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living creature within a mile radius (hunting). Thank you for your co-operation. You will be assimilated.
Footnote: Resistance is futile. Just ask Hawaii. By the way, Ireland and essays, Scotland should be separate states. They have entirely different cultures and languages from the Norman fops. To avoid supporting third world countries and welfare states (the reason for NOT annexing Mexico), Canada, Australia, New Zealand, should become independent nations. The Falkland Islands should become an American Protectorate like Puerto Rico, Samoa, The Philippines, Guam and other places that are neat to vacation. The Chase Essay! America should take back Hong Kong immediately. TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND:
We welcome your concern about essays, our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from introduction, a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!
However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a backwards step by on residential segregation, the majority of the world. To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:
1. Thesis Programming! Realize that language is an on residential organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your aluminium example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name aluminum (note spelling) for the metal. However, in dissertation university of chicago common usage the name evolved into aluminium to match the on residential segregation, naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the a cover, aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over segregation 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. Essay Communication Workplace! William Charles Minor. 2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue. 3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)
4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Trainspotting, and The Full Monty. Essays On Residential Segregation! We've also heard good things about dissertation, this Billy Elliot. Essays Segregation! But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. Formatting A Cover Page For A Paper! However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front. 5. Segregation! It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Essay Communication! Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Segregation! Or maybe Elton John could adapt Candle In The Wind again for languages you guys.
6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in on residential men's soccer at of chicago, the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident. 7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Essays On Residential Segregation! Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy.
However, there's a reason why the example essay, best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you how to cook. 8. Essays! You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on languages the wrong side of the essays on residential segregation, road. Is Blessing! A second problem is essays segregation, pricing, it's cheaper to example of an introduction buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and on residential, Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies. 9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for Teletubbies. Thank you for your time. You can now return to the chase essay watching bad Australian soap operas.
PS: regarding WW2: You're Welcome. BILL CLINTON'S LETTER TO LIZ WINDSOR. The following was received from David Simpson of Fletcher Greenwood Co. On Residential! I received it on 21st Dec 2000 in response to dissertation office university of chicago this history, but it is dated 13th November. FROM: Bill Clinton. TO: Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elisabeth II. SUBJECT: Revocation of American Independence. DATE: November 13th 2000.
Ole George, Your Great Great Great Great Great Great Grand Pappy said we'd screw up over here in the Colonies and it's finally happened. This time it's got nothin to do with me, at least that's what my advisors say. On Residential! I have really tried to stay outta the news and away from the dissertation university, babes to help Gore but he's no Goddamn use anyhow. On Residential Segregation! He screwed up by himself this time. We'd agreed those ballot papers in Palm Beach cos we were tryin to confuse the hell outta the Republican voters. Guess that one back fired. So, 'bout this notice sent out sayin' you're reclaimin the colonies and takin over, well, we kinda feel it's cute you'd wanna have us back after all this time. One concern though, 'bout those back taxes, we need time to pay. Pretty soon I aint gonna have a job. I know Hillary' got a well-paid position now but she won't wanna have much to do with me soon. She's still mad at and thesis, me 'bout Monica.
Every time I light a cigar she still cries and throws stuff. As for the national anthem. Well I was kinda wondrin if you'd let me play it on the Saxhorn for you sometime, it's been a while since I've had a good blow, but I'm practicing an' hopin'. Had a word with the boys at the Pentagon 'bout nukin France and Quebec. They said it'd be no problem but are kinda worried the EU might renegade on the banana deal we worked out through the WTO. Also said somethin about a nuclear winter but guess it's close enough to Christmas for a bitta snow anyhow. You know Liz, one of the requests does kinda suck. We like our football and the advertising guys are hoppin mad about the possible loss of income. They say soccer, sorry football don't have enough breaks to fill it up with advertisements and that folk'll get bored. On Residential Segregation! I gotta agree on this one Liz, for the sake of the American people, sorry, new British Subjects, I gotta stand my ground here. Anyhow, gotta go blow the horn with Monica and get learnin' this new tune.
Oh one more thang, don't suppose Tony could give me a job could he? DECLARATION OF THE COMMONWEALTH OF AUSTRALIA ON TAKING CHARGE OF THE AFFAIRS OF THE ENGLISH SPEAKING PEOPLES. The following announcement was found in a corrugated iron outhouse West of Alice Springs -- some fecal matter has been removed but the text is still fairly clear, despite the the chase essay, beer stains. When, in the course of human events, it becomes clear that major powers have turned into circus acts, it becomes necessary for somebody to sort out the ensuing shambles. We won't even mention politics, just an internationally accepted yardstick for national ability, the Olympic Games.
Since the USA can't organize an Olympic Games without making a shambles of the business, and since the UK hasn't had a competitive Olympic team since 1908, then Australia has an overriding claim to national superiority. On Residential! It remains true, of course, the US Olympic team won the most medals in the last games, whilst Australia came fourth, but that only of an essay introduction and thesis statement proved that on a population basis it takes eight times as many Septic Tanks to on residential segregation win an Olympic gold medal as it takes Australians. It therefore becomes Australia's duty to take charge of those nations who still know where their barbecues are kept. Washington and London will now take their guidance from Canberra. Canberra used to formatting for a paper be an excellent cow paddock but became the site of the essays on residential, political capital of Australia, which means there's far more bullshit there now than there ever was before. An address will be provided to those that need to communicate with the Australian government: one side of a postcard only please, and example of an and thesis, replies can be expected within a year or so. On Residential! In the meantime, please obey God's eleventh Commandment to science the Aboriginals: don't do a thing until I get back to essays segregation you. Political lobbyists will need to bring their own swags, billies and bush tucker until extra accommodation can be provided. (See below: Waltzing Matilda). Visitors can also expect to find themselves being sprayed with insecticide by customs officials when arriving on essay workplace Australian soil.
As a courtesy to essays on residential segregation incoming guests we always provide the first layer of fly repellent free of charge. Essay Science Is Blessing! The other sixty five daily applications are your responsibility. You have our permission to say the essays on residential segregation, word 'aluminum' any way you wish. Since Australia is the world's largest supplier of bauxite we don't give a shit what you call it, just as long as you keep making the stuff. Place names in all English speaking countries from now on should be clear, simple and straightforward for all English speakers. Please write for an advisory leaflet from the Australian Centre for the chase essay Sensible Place Names, Rabbitflats House, Rum Corp Road, Woolloomooloo, Sydney, New South Wales. Americans should be aware that a Chad is a traditional UK/Australian cartoon character. He has a big nose, a single strand of curly hair and is always drawn with only the upper half of his face visible over a brick wall.
Equally traditionally, Chad is essays segregation, always saying: Wot! No . Thesis Programming! Only the last word is altered to on residential segregation suit the occasion. At present, of course, the inscription would read: Wot! No President? A piece of paper punched out of a ballot paper is technically known internationally as shit-for-brains, since everybody else in the world has a population which is capable of drawing an X on dissertation university a ballot paper. Only laboratory monkeys and American voters make decisions by hanging on handles. However the incoming Australian administration doesn't want to make too many radical changes. Essays On Residential! Simply be aware that in future the US and UK will be required to follow Australian voting procedures and thesis programming languages, that from now on it is a criminal offence for essays a citizen not to vote.
Or at least it's an offence not to attend a voting station. What you do in the booth is up to you. But at least there's no need to spend any more time and money in trying to persuade voters to turn out. We, in the chase essay turn, will abandon the proportional representation system. This system of voting was invented by the British mathematician who also wrote Alice In Wonderland. On Residential! Not surprisingly, the results are always a Mad Hatter's Tea Party. We have no intention of altering anybody else's variety of English, though personally, I'm agog to know how you meet with somebody.
Either you meet them or you don't. A Cover Page! There are of on residential segregation course cultural differences to be bridged but they can be done so profitably. For example, street kids in the US who deserve jail terms will instead be compelled to formatting a cover page for a watch a four day cricket match and to answer questions afterwards: our own juvenile delinquents will be forced to watch the entire collection of Letterman shows and then to try to explain why the audiences laughed at segregation, any part of them. The Australian Minister for Culture has ordered that from now on all Hollywood films have Australian directors. Furthermore, they must also be joint Anglo-American productions, as that seems to be what it takes to make a decent movie nowadays. Notting Hill and Shakespeare in science or curse Love for example. Essays On Residential! We also demand a re-make of a cover paper Dr Strangelove starring Bruce Willis: the highlight of the film is going to be when he gets dropped out of a B-52 riding on top of a nuclear bomb. Only this time it's going to be a real A-bomb and no stuntmen allowed: now die hard, you untalented prick! Oh yes, and segregation, all films are to be shot in essay workplace Australia, where we have the sort of weather California thinks it has. Essays On Residential! We also have the best of essay communication everything else, including women, and at segregation, half the price in essay is blessing the States. The Australian film industry also wants Mel Gibson back -- we're going to put him out to stud.
There is no need to change your national flags. Essays On Residential Segregation! All that is science, required is that you fly them below a pair of Elle McPherson's knickers, preferably used. The new international anthem, of course, is Waltzing Matilda. On Residential Segregation! As you are aware, all other national anthems are about the superiority of of chicago one country over all other countries. Waltzing Matilda is about a sheep thief getting caught by the cops. It is therefore an anthem to private capitalism and essays segregation, stock option dealings in a marginal legal situation: Wall Street and the London Stock Exchange should both be proud to sing it out example, loudly every morning. From now on the only on residential segregation code of is blessing football which will be allowed in international matches is essays segregation, Australian Rules Football.
American football looks like a bunch of panic stricken plane handlers fighting to get off the deck of a sinking aircraft carrier: UK football looks like a gang of essay communication workplace kids trying to pass the time in the yard of a school for the mentally retarded. Essays! Australian rules football is the game the angels play: it's where the of chicago, big men fly. Essays On Residential! Please be aware that in Australian English, to 'root' for a team means to have sexual intercourse for the chase essay it, or with it. We're not trying to stop you from on residential, doing anything you want to, just making sure you understand your options. Gay males should also be aware that scoring a behind in Aussie Rules is not what you might have hoped it was. After some considerable thought it has been decided to retain the Monarchy to rule over the English speaking world, but to make it more relevant to the present realities. Bill Gates will therefore be crowned King Geek The First. Example Introduction And Thesis! Hell, he owns most everything, so we might as well make it official. Segregation! There's no point in office building him a palace as he already lives in essays one, so Buckingham Palace will be turned into a backpacker's hostel for young Australians visiting the Former UK -- or Fukland, as it will have to formatting a cover page for a paper be renamed. The House of Commons will be required to essays on residential segregation spend one day a week picking up empty beer cans from the Palace Gardens. Which means we'll get at least one day's useful work every week out or curse, of the sods.
Of course it's not interesting to have a King as dull as Bill I without any drama being injected into the Court. Segregation! So he'll need a Vizier, just like in the Arabian Nights' Stories, as evil as Viziers traditionally are, a mendacious, cunning, word twisting, untruth telling Vizier, a duplicitous dog of a Vizier, a Vizier whose instincts are wolfish, savage, bloody, ravenous and starved. Rupert Murdoch has been approved by communication, Australian central casting for the part. The duties of segregation Vice Vizier are to be carried out by Homer Simpson. Dissertation! True, he's a cartoon character, but cartoon characters have been installed in the US Vice President's Office for on residential segregation years and essay, only Gary Trudeau noticed. You will be advised in due course whether King Geek II will be a carbon or silicon based lifeform. The question of essays on residential which side of the road to drive on of an essay introduction and thesis statement has been settled fairly. From midnight to twelve, it's on on residential segregation the right, from twelve to midnight it's on thesis languages the left, and every alternative Thursday when there's a 'r' in the month and a full moon you can drive during the hours of darkness directly along the top of any white line you fancy.
If in doubt, please contact Robert Hughes, the essays on residential segregation, well known Australian art critic and page research, road safety expert. Unfortunately, but in line with world opinion, we are going to have to insist on the cessation of essays capital punishment for criminals. However, we are prepared to the chase essay strap offenders to essays segregation an electric chair and force them to eat a Vegemite sandwich: if they decide they'd rather have the current turned on instead that's their choice. Vegemite is technically a yeast extract but to the chase essay non-Australians tastes something like what your great grandparents might do if you dug them up, scraped some of the residue off the coffin walls and put it between two slices of bread. But although consuming Vegemite is essays, not compulsory, all non-Australian citizens will be required to eat shark in their fish and chips. Except for lawyers, who are excused on the grounds of programming languages professional courtesy. Of course all non-Australian beer is to be immediately poured away down drains and replaced with real beer: beer as cold as liquid oxygen, beer with more punch than Mike Tyson, beer which biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder, beer you can taste three blocks away from the pub. Essays On Residential Segregation! All the Milwaukee slops can go back into the barmaid's apron they were squeezed out of and as for essay statement British beer . Some dissension has arisen over cultural festivals and when is a suitable holiday to let off fireworks. Since we have no such days on our own calendar we Aussies have decided the best thing to do is to hand Northern Ireland over to the US as the 51st state.
After all, Washington seems so interested in getting a peace deal there that it might as well have the place. The idea is that the British get to let off their fireworks when the last British soldiers leave Ireland, and segregation, the Irish factions will supply the US Peace Keeping forces with fireworks enough thereafter. Of course there are arguments that America is too powerful and essay science is blessing, too rich have any outside system imposed on her, and also that Americans are too proud to segregation truckle to any kind of a King. These arguments are, of course, specious. Too powerful? kicked out of Southern Vietnam, bombed out of the Lebanon, self defeated at Desert One, ejected of Ethiopia, not quite up to snuff for a ground war in Kosova, unfortunately unavailable for East Timor, scuttled by a rowing boat. What's the matter, can't you find somebody your own size? Or are you saving up the US Army to stand guard along the Tex-Mex border as part of Dubya's new approach to foreign policy? Too rich? Don't like Kings? Well, there's one monarchy the Americans will always fight for and that's the Saudi one. And everybody in essay or curse the West knows why.
If Saudi Arabia stopped selling oil the CLOSED signs would go up on gas stations right across the states and the West would have an economic down turn which would make the 1930's Depression look like just a bad day at the office. Which is the real reason why Australians are desperate to see this Presidential farce settled. Look, our Prime Minister is not exactly a charismatic super star. He could get lost in a crowd of two. Our Leader of the essays on residential segregation, Opposition looks like a stranded whale in a suit. But they're both smart enough to dissertation office university know that if the US keeps on supporting Israel in the Jews' totally ruthless suppression of the Palestinians there's eventually going to on residential segregation be a reaction from the example introduction and thesis statement, Arab masses. The day that Omar Bin Laden becomes the President of the Peoples' Democratic Republic of Saudi Arabia is a day nobody in the West wants to essays on residential see. The Chase Essay! But unless somebody can rein those Israeli imperialists in there will be a revolution in segregation the Arab countries and essay science is blessing, Allah alone knows who'll be in charge when the smoke clears. Right now we need somebody in the Western world who'll give the Jews the straight news: you want to fight the essays, entire Muslin world, you do it on your own.
We don't know you, we're not subsidizing your army, and we're not going to risk our oil supplies to keep the Jewish voters in the United States happy. Of Chicago! But that's not a message that Gore or Bush would ever dare deliver -- not until it's too late. On Residential! But they're all that we've got, and we haven't even got one of them yet. No wonder everybody else in the West is screaming in frustration. The Americans will still be squabbling away in science or curse the courts over essays a bunch of geriatric generated votes until the streets of enemy occupied Palestine are filled with dead Arabs -- and when somebody lets off a suitcase nuclear bomb somewhere in revenge the only response from Washington will be more brainless screams of formatting a cover page for a paper outrage about terrorism. As far as I can see President Clinton has made honourable efforts to avert a looming disaster in the Middle East. But now the Ringmaster is leaving and all we've got left are two clowns taking turns at kicking each other's butts. Essays Segregation! America and is blessing or curse, the world needs better, much better, than America has been able to come up with this time around. And now it looks as if everything which has made the essays, US a great country is languages, going to be dragged through the filth of the courts by a bunch of low life lawyers. (2000) NEW ZEALAND VERSION OF THE NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE. This version, giving the USA to the Maori people, circulated on 20th November 2000.
To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a President and thus to govern yourselves properly, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has revoked your independence, effective immediately. However, she will not govern you herself because the Maori of New Zealand have claimed ownership of the USA. There is ample evidence that Maui discovered America after setting out essays on residential, from the ancestral homeland, Hawaiiki, in the wrong direction. Under the Treaty of Waitangi all Maori land that was illegally taken by the Crown will revert to the chase essay Maori ownership. Ngai Tahu will resume administrative responsibility for all states except Florida, which they do not fancy.
Your new governor, Sir Tipene Oregan, will appoint a ministers to look after your affairs without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. On Residential Segregation! A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to an Aotearoa-New Zealand Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. Essay Statement! You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Essays On Residential! Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as like and you know is an office university of chicago unacceptable and essays on residential, inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. 2. There is the chase essay, no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. 3. You should learn to distinguish the New Zealand and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast Russell Crowe and Tem Morrison as good guys. 5. You should relearn your new national anthem, God Defend New Zealand in English and Maori, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to segregation get confused and give up half way through. 6. All MacDonalds and Burger King outlets will be closed down, and you will purchase fush and dissertation office, chups, but only when you can pronounce them properly. 7. Any whales stranded on beaches will be the property of Ngai Tahu, and essays segregation, Sir Tipene must be notified immediately. 8. You will stop playing American football. It is a dreadful game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to thesis programming languages play it, and on residential segregation, should instead play proper football ie. Science Or Curse! rugby, which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full body armour like poofters. Initially, it would be best if you played in the women's competition. Essays Segregation! It is a difficult game, but with training you should be able to get together at formatting a cover page for a paper, least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
9. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. 10. Essays Segregation! July 4th will no longer be a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, called Indecision Day. 11. All American cars are hereby banned. Is Blessing Or Curse! They are crap and it is for essays on residential segregation your own good. Example Of An Introduction And Thesis Statement! When we show you Holdens, you will understand what we mean. 12. Please tell us who killed JFK.
It's been driving us crazy. 13. Failure to comply with the above will be taken very seriously and result in the severest of punishments - Roger Douglas will be put in charge of your economy, and it will serve you right. Thank you for your co-operation. (DATE UNDETERMINED) CANADIAN VERSION OF THE NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
To the essays, citizens of the the chase essay, United States of America. 1. In the light of your failure to elect a President of the United States, and on residential, thus govern yourselves, we hereby give you notice of the Revocation of your Independence, effective today. 2. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all States, Commonwealths and other Territories; with the exception of Utah, which she does not fancy. 3. Your new Prime Minister, The Rt. Hon. The Chase Essay! Tony Blair MP, for essays on residential the 97.85% of you who do not know that there is a world outside of your borders, will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. 4. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of the chase essay you have noticed. 5. To aid in the Transition to a British Overseas Dependency, the essays on residential segregation, following rules are introduced with immediate effect.
i. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up the of an essay introduction statement, word “aluminium”. Segregation! Check the pronunciation guide. Thesis Programming Languages! You will be amazed at on residential segregation, just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. ii. Generally you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary”. Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an office university of chicago unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed” iii. There is no such thing as “US English”. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
iv. You should learn to distinguish between the essays segregation, English and Australian accents. It really is not that hard. v. Hollywood will be required to occasionally to cast English actors as the “Good Guys”, and Canadian actors not as Americans with funny accents. vi. You should relearn your original National Anthem, “God Save the Queen”. This is to be carried out only after Task 1 is completed, as we do not want you to get confused and give up half way. vii. All Law Enforcement Agencies will be replaced with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, who are very used to clearing up after your mess, and dealing with your criminal intent.
They do reserve the right to shoot you just because you are American. viii. You should declare war in Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any Merde. The 98.85% of you who are not aware that there is a outside of dissertation office your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the “Bad Guys”. Merde is the French word for *beep* ix.
July the on residential, 4th is no longer a Public Holiday. November the 8th will be a new National Holiday, but only in essay workplace England and Canada. This will be called “Indecisive Day”. x. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap anyway, and it is for your own good. You will understand when we show you a German car.
xi. Please tell us who shot JFK. We know it’s one of you but it’s been driving us nuts for essays on residential years! 6. The preceding points are to be put into effect immediately. Any questions regarding the Transition or its benefits, please contact Canada or Australia, as they have the entire system in order. 7. Thank you for your co-operation. NOTICE OF RECIPROCAL COLONIZATION. Mark Simkiss wrote I wrote this around the US election and was happy to have seen it floating around the Internet at the time. I find the whole thing particularly interesting being an American of both English and Irish decent, and the humor of the whole thing makes me smile every time I read any of the emails related to the situation. The Chase Essay! Also, as you'll notice, there is a link at the end which is a pretty good resource for US/UK vocabulary.
It's pretty funny in fact, even if it is only 70% accurate in my best estimation. To those with the ability to read English, moreover, to speak it and have one’s accent understood, and to those for whom humor is seen in humor and humour, this is the American response to mum’s response to our dilemma in America. NOTICE OF RECIPROCAL COLONIZATION. To the citizens of the United Kingdom of on residential segregation Great Britain and Northern Ireland, to the Commonwealth of is blessing or curse Nations, including, but not limited to, Canada (which is already a state, excluding Québec), Australia, New Zealand, Bermuda, Jamaica, etc., and any other nation lacking the inspiration to create for themselves a national flag not resembling the Union Jack: In light of the fact that although America stands firmly on her own two feet, this nation has been formed with ideas derived from some of the children of the best free thinkers in 17 th century Great Britain, and has been rooted in such. Therefore, the citizens of the United States of on residential segregation America hereby impose the following decree as our birth rite: 1. Like our mother has previously done, the citizens of the programming languages, United States of on residential segregation America now impose unilateral colonization upon the above fore-mentioned nations, which are for this day forward to be deemed and to which referred, Colonies of the United States of America. 2. As mum taught us best, none of the Colonies shall have any representation in our globally expansive government, however, fear not as they will be taxed thrice as heavily as any of the members of the Original Fifty States, and this shall be deemed a privilege. 3. All currency in dissertation university ridiculous color-coded Monopoly board game pastels shall be destroyed and on residential segregation, replaced with the correct currency colors of green, black, and white. Failure to forfeit such will be treated as both servile insurrection and submission of testimony on the chase essay one’s behalf to illiteracy and need for color to sort one’s purse.
4. The President of the both the United States of America and essays, her Colonies shall be determined by the residents of the state of programming Florida consisting of mostly senior citizens, expatriated Canadians, Cuban refugees, and in the future – the now disbanded British Royalty. This will be deemed a fair representation for all. 5. English will be removed as the official language of the segregation, former UK and the former Commonwealth of Nations as well as the the chase essay, like for English and French in Canada. The Colonies will conform to essays on residential segregation the United States’ policy of no official language as the workplace, English language is to segregation be enriched with the office university of chicago, words of the world, not purified of them. 6. Police will no longer be called Bobbies in the UK. The appellation of toque for a cap or hat will be forbidden in Canada. Words spelled like centre will not be removed, but restricted. In this instance centre shall mean a physical place, where center shall mean the middle. 7. The Original Fifty States will concede a small token in good faith and instate the metric system.
8. The Oxford English Dictionary shall be renamed the Harvard-M.I.T. Dictionary of the essays segregation, Global English Language. 9. Excluding the incontrovertibly inevitable linguistic derelicts of any society, all members of the Colonies shall be required to keep a vocabulary on par in volume with that of the current average American of the day, and dissertation, not simply Standard Received English as is spoken by essays segregation, many Geordies, Scots, Welsh, Nova Scotians, and Southern States Americans. 10. Obsolescent pronunciations such as roit for right, ad-ver-tiss-mint for advertisement, which by the way will pick-up a ‘z’ to essay communication workplace replace the ‘s’ in the former American spelling, shall be banned. 11. Any citizen of America or her Colonies caught speaking the letter ‘z’ as ‘zed’ shall be latched into segregation the town center’s stocks, head and hands, for the chase essay the townspeople to mock. 12. The citizens of America’s Colonies, with the exception of Canada, shall be required to actually read the on residential, spelling of ‘aluminum’ as used in the Original Fifty States, to conceptualize how it is not said with ‘-inium’ as the ending pronunciation.
These individuals will be screened as per items number three (3) of this list. 13. The existence of ‘types’ of page research English shall be abolished. All English, e.g. U.S. English, U.K. English, Canadian English, etc., shall be called English, with the exception of Scots English, which will now be called Greek. 14.
The second level of all buses, a.k.a. lorries, coaches, etc., will be removed. 15. Education will commence to eradicate the jousting gene from the essays on residential, citizens in dissertation Colonies where the medieval idea of driving on the left still exists, including the U.S. Virgin Islands. 16. American Football will keep its status as ‘Football’ and English Football will become ‘Soccer’ universally throughout the essays on residential segregation, Colonies. This means France will have to change to Le Soccer or Le Soc. 17. There will be no more warm beer, and the citizens of the Colonies will no longer be subjected to watered-down macro beers such as Budweiser and is blessing, Miller.
Real American beer will be had by all. 18. Essays Segregation! Everyone in the former British Isles shall be required to see an orthodontist on a regular basis. 19. Time shall be referred to as the following: WDC + 05:00 in London. 20. The new states of office of chicago England, Scotland, Wales, British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Québec, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland Labrador, Price Edward Island, New Brunswick, Nunavut, Western Australia, Northern Territory, Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria, South Australia, Tasmania, New Zealand, Antigua, Barbados, Bahamas, Belize, Salomon Islands, St. Kitts Nevis, St.
Lucia, St. Vincent the Grenadines, South Africa, Trinidad Tobago, and Western Samoa shall each receive a star on the flag to essays on residential represent their statehood. In addition, the Northwest Territories and the Yukon Territory will be renamed the state of Arctic and the state of Yukon, respectively - each receiving a star to represent their statehood as well. Finally, Puerto Rico, American Samoa, the dissertation of chicago, U.S. Virgin Islands, and on residential segregation, Guam shall all be granted statehood and issued a star on the flag. The other thirty-four (34) remaining members of the former Commonwealth of Nations shall be disbanded with the option to apply for statehood within ten (10) years. 21. Hong Kong will be returned to communication Colony status - we do not bow to China.
22. As of November 21, 2000, 57% of on residential Americans from the Original Fifty States were proficient in more than one (1) language, representing 157,691,225 people speaking two (2) or more languages and over 90,000,000 who speak a language other than English at home. University Of Chicago! All Colonies will be required to maintain that 50% of their territorial population can speak more than one (1) language, with the essays, exception of Quebec, where, due to the prevalence of is blessing or curse French, 80% of the inhabitants shall be required to on residential segregation be bilingual or better. 23. Essay Communication Workplace! The Colonies will now be permitted to purchase the good American cars and will no longer be restricted to the bottom of the line models, as is prominent in Europe. 24. Outside the essays segregation, Original Fifty States and the former Canada, the numbering system shall be reorganized as such: 000 = thousand; 000,000 = million; 000,000,000 = billion; 000,000,000,000 = trillion; 000,000,000,000,000 = quadrillion, and so forth. 25. Measuring your weight in communication stones will only be permitted when inebriated. 26. (Now-defunct link to humour article about America) - This site is only about 70% accurate but humorous. 27. (Now-defunct author email address) - send me a note.
The preceding was authored by Mark J. Simkiss, Jr. -- an essays on residential American of both English and Irish decent. REAL ESTATE SALE - UNITED STATES. In the light of the languages, American people's inability to on residential elect a new president, the thesis, British Government have revoked the essays, Declaration of formatting for a paper Independence. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, has placed the essays, USA on thesis the real estate market. Monies raised shall contribute to the upkeep of the British Monarchy. So far, land has been allocated to the following parties by Royal Decree: ENGLAND. Wish to reclaim and retain their original East Coast territories e.g. Segregation! New England, Massachussetts, Virginia etc etc.
These parts were colonised in of an essay introduction statement the time of Queen Elizabeth I so it would be neat if they were reclaimed by Queen Elizabeth II. Any exceptions to this are as noted below and are granted out of Her Majesty's generosity to fellow European nations. We don't actually want to live in these places, you understand and, in due course, we will ship out on residential, our unemployed or undesirables to office these states since Australia won't accept them any more. THE NETHERLANDS. New York was originally called Nieuw Amsterdam and will revert to that name. The term yankee is derived from the Dutch Jan Kees (John Cheese - a generic person) and the willingness of certain parties to call themselves or others Yankees is the manifestation of a subconscious desire to return to being a Dutch territory. With rising water levels due to essays on residential segregation global warming, the Dutch want a place which will still be above sea level in 10 years' time. NORTHERN IRELAND. Since the the chase essay, US is so damned interested in Northern Irish affairs and has bigger St Patrick's Day celebrations than the on residential, Irish in their native country, it seems sensible to relocate the Irish to Utah (demonstrating that Her Majesty has a sense of humour). A state will be bought for them as a gift from the communication, British Government. Segregation! To avoid any residual inconveniences to Britain, both Northern Irish and Southern Irish shall be relocated.
They'll fit right into the gun-culture and it will save on office postage costs for NORAID. Vacated Ireland will then be used for resettlement of Eastern European immigrants into essays segregation the UK. ISRAEL. The votes of American Jews are so valuable that the US supports poor beleaguered Israel in order to please this portion of the American voting population. Rather than fight over a little bit of desert stuck in the middle of a bunch of Muslim countries, it seems sensible to simply relocate all Israelis to America. Jerusalem can be recreated in Hollywood where it will be bigger and better than the original without the inconvenience of being a war-zone. Jerusaland will be a theme park in Southern Florida. Science! Since all Israelis do National Service in the Army, they will provide an segregation immediate police/security force - and one without obesity problems.
Israel will therefore have most of Southern Florida, excluding Miami which will go to Cuba. CUBA Will get Miami, Florida. For A Research! They currently have it in essays on residential all but name. The Chase Essay! And with only one party on the ballot paper, they are unlikely to screw up on elections. REDNECKS The Rednecks will be allocated Northern Florida, Georgia, Alabama, and the Carolinas.
No-one else wants to live there. Essays On Residential Segregation! Incest and trailers will be mandatory in these states. CANADA. They're only next door so Her Majesty is going to award them 'that scruffy bit of of an essay land next to their back yard' and ask them to get it decently under control. On Residential! That way, they can let Quebec declare independence or sell itself to France and not be inconvenienced by the loss of a scrap of communication workplace land. QUEBEC As a goodwill measure, Quebec will get Louisiana which is Cajun country. No-one else wants the place since the on residential segregation, staple diet of crayfish is office, considered unfit for human consumption. In winter, they can all close up Quebec and head south to warmer climes.
Quebec/Louisiana will be renamed 'North Arcadia' and segregation, 'South Arcadia'. FRANCE Will be co-owner North and South Arcadia. MEXICO. The number of legal and illegal immigrants into the US makes parts of the US Mexican by default. Spanish is becoming the main language in many parts and dissertation of chicago, Hispanics the main ethnic group. Might as well make it official. No-one's going to notice the difference. Mexico therefore will get Texas, Nevada and California - they already have these in all but name. The Pacific Ocean will eventually claim coastal California anyway. ITALY New Jersey will go to on residential Italy who already control it anyway via the mob.
Only the of chicago, paperwork remains to be filed . JAPAN They will get Hawaii … at long last. Segregation! Sumo wrestling will be the Hawaiian national sport. TEXACO Have put in a bid for Alaska. However, Alaska will be returned to the Russians who sold it to the US for a pittance. They can then sell the oil on to Texaco and get the essay introduction statement, Russian economy going again. GERMANY Germany will get Wisconsin and segregation, Pennsylvania. The Pennsylvania Dutch are in fact of German origin. Pennsylvania will be turned into a special reserve (a living museum) for the chase essay reclusive religious orders which shun the trappings of modern life such as Shakers, Amish and Pennsylvania Dutch. UNITED NATIONS Will take control of all American Armed Forces. We mean the on residential, real armed forces, not the private militias. Private militias are, of course, free to apply to Sierra Leone where there are plenty of employment opportunities, unless of course you are racist in which case South Africa may be more appropriate.
That way the UN-controlled US Forces can come along and beat the dissertation office of chicago, sh*t out of you just like they've always wanted to do, but never been allowed to do. ARYAN NATION Aryan Nation will get Idaho. Idaho will become a white supremacist state. All non-whites will be given massive resettlement packages after which a 15 feet high razorwire fence without gates will be erected around Idaho and it will become a no-fly zone. On Residential! Private militias, gun-crazed radicals and supremacist groups can then use the place to their hearts' content. It will be a closed state so they can only wipe out each other due to having no-one else to wipe out. Once they've successfully wiped out each other, Idaho will be put on the market again.
NATIVE POPULATION A bit of South Dakota will be allocated in perpetuity to and thesis the American Indians. They will also get Manhattan Island back. Oh wait, isn't that a part of on residential segregation Nieuw Amsterdam which is already allocated to a cover page research the Dutch? They will instead have the rights to graze horses and hunt on Manhattan Island. Essays On Residential! But we'd like our beads back please. ANNHEISER-BUSCH Annheiser-Busch will end up with Missouri whether they want it or not. ILLEGAL ALIENS An alien is an extraterrestrial. A person from another country is a 'foreigner' not an 'alien'. Get that fact wrong at your peril since any American who believes s/he is an the chase essay alien or an alien/human hybrid will be shipped off-planet immediately for interplanetary immigration offences.
After that, it's up to essays on residential segregation you to find your way back to your planet of origin or get your parent to come pick you up. Any American wishing to introduction statement opt out of this deal by being abducted by aliens is free to do so. Only don't come crying to Her Majesty about implants, rectal exams or unbreathable atmospheres. MISCELLANEOUS REQUESTS UNDER CONSIDERATION ACT UP would like San Francisco. Norway will have Minnesota, please and anywhere coastal that they can hunt whales. Microsoft will have Washington State. Bill Gates will have the big White place, please. Intel will have Oregon. Ford want Michigan.
MENSA LAUNCHES CHAD SPECIAL INTEREST GROUP. EXPATRIOT TIMES, London, England, 10th November 2000. Following the US Election, the American branch of Mensa, the on residential, society for those with high IQs, today announced a new Special Interest Group (SIG). Due to popular demand we're launching a SIG for punching holes in of an introduction statement pieces of paper, said a spokesperson for American Mensa, It will be called the Chad Opinion Group (COG). We plan to have an online 'Chad-room' where our members (COGnescenti) can exchange views about essays on residential segregation, hole-punching and we produce a monthly newsletter devoted to Chadding Techniques. It's a very emotive issue - the relative merits of clean-cut chads, pregnant or dimpled chads, hanging chads, chads in paper, cardboard and is blessing or curse, other materials and any other type of chad you care to on residential mention. All types of Chad-enthusiast will be welcome just so long as they qualify for Mensa membership. Whether you only ever punch holes during elections or whether you're a filing clerk who punches holes every day, just so long as you have a high IQ you can subscribe to this SIG. Page For A Paper! When accused of 'dumbing down' Mensa, their spokesperson said, We are simply moving with the times. There's a great deal of interest in chads right now and essays on residential segregation, the Florida ballot papers proved that you need a high level of intelligence to punch out chads properly.
Commenting on page research paper the suggestion that Mensa-level intelligence is required for essays hole-punching, Darrin Antrobus, now living in the UK, said This is so true it hurts. GEORGE W. BUSH FINAL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH. My fellow Armenians, As I stand here today looking over this magnificent viagra, I think we can agree that the past is the chase essay, over. Our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach. I want to on residential segregation bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city, and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it. Americans have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need ablutions. We need to a cover move on essays on residential beyond the petty armadilloes.
Politics doesn't have to of an essay introduction statement be the way it is today. We can make the pie higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and on residential segregation, their family on the table. That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing Streets of example essay introduction and thesis Laredo. A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his baseball team's families, but all American families. I don't believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and who are the wrong Americans. All of us together, white or wrong, black or right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is on residential segregation, as broad as we are. And it will give our expansion a timely dose of wind.
I say there is is blessing or curse, a cost to inaction. I haven't done the on residential segregation, acrobatics, but it's probably around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to offer to everyone, especially our seniors who are the backache of our nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work to those they love, and especially to pass on. Thanks, Mom and languages, Dad. We know America is the best in the world. We are the great super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded.
This is still a world of madmen and mental losses. Essays Segregation! And mental loss is easy to underestimate. Formatting For A Paper! We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: I do not believe in segregation a fate that will fall on office of chicago us if we do nothing. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must never run our lives. The purpose of prosperity is to essays on residential segregation make sure the American dream touches every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and feet, not miles or kilograms.
Or cantilevers. I worked in of chicago Texas by common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business because I was one myself. I'm less now. But I'm also more. We are all less and more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts with out preservative minds.
I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire and essays on residential segregation, untie. I will appeal to people's better angles. I will prove that politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust the people we serve, and serve the office of chicago, people we trust. Together we can do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom. Thank you and essays segregation, God help America.
(via email; believed to dissertation office university originate from December issue of essays on residential segregation The Economist) (2004) USENET VERSION 1. Direct Communications Unit. 7th Floor, 50 Queen Anne's Gate. London, SW1H 9AT. RE: Revocation of your Independence. In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the essay workplace, revocation of essays your independence, effective today. Example Of An! Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Essays! Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is languages, a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for segregation America without the need for further elections. Congress and formatting research, the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
Rt Hon David Blunkett. (2004) USENET VERSION 2. Official messages from her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II of England to essays segregation all Americans: In view of your failure to elect a proper and semi-intelligent president of the United States in science is blessing two straight elections and essays segregation, showing you are now incapable of governing yourselves, The queen hereby gives formal notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II will assume duties as your monarch and supreme ruler over all states and territories except for Arkansas, Tennessee, Alabama and Florida which her Majesty considers either too vile or senile to bother with reforming. Her Majesty will appoint a royal governor that shall be responsible for all other states. Since you can not vote intelligently or decide matters of essay communication state, both houses of Congress, the supreme court and obviously the office of president are disbanded effectively immediately.
The country formally known as the United States, now a laughingstock in the eyes of the world is now reabsorbed into segregation the British empire from which it came. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules will take effect next Monday. 1. All American flags will be burned and replaced immediately with the union jack, official flag of the United Kingdom. 2. The armed forces will report to Prince William. Thesis Programming Languages! Prince Charles will become Secretary of Defence, other posts to be filled by members of the royal family to be announced shortly. 3. All will be required to learn ballroom dancing, eat mutton every Tuesday, fish and chips on Fridays and on residential segregation, come to appreciate warm beer. 4. Example Essay Introduction And Thesis! All Americans will become citizens of the British crown and will bow in my presence. 5. All American holidays except for New Years and essays on residential segregation, Christmas are revoked to be replaced by holidays celebrated in the UK. 5. All wages, incomes, properties will be taxed at 30% of of an introduction value with all proceeds forwarded to the UK yearly. 6. Starbucks will replace coffee with twenty flavours of British tea.
The Queen expresses regret for taking such drastic measures, but since half of on residential Americans never bother to vote and the other half twice in a row decided to vote for a blithering idiot that by the way the last time he visited wrecked my rose garden with his helicopter and goons running all over the queen's official gardens and thesis, never even saying he was sorry, the essays, Queen has no choice but to revoke your sovereignty since it is clear too many Americans have taken leave of their senses. (2004) USENET MINOR VARIANTS. There were some variant openings for the two main versions (above): In light of your failure to make the correct decision in thesis programming languages electing your President, thus showing you to be unfit to govern yourselves, we hereby give you notice of the revocation of essays on residential segregation your independence effective as of Monday 8th November 2004. Communication! [etc] In the light of your failure to elect a sane President of the United States and thus to essays govern yourselves with consideration for or curse the rest of world, we hereby give notice of the Revocation of your Independence, effective immediately . Essays On Residential Segregation! [etc]
To the citizens of the United States of America, in view of Prime Minister Tony Blair becoming President of all he surveys, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. (2004) RESPONSE FROM THE USA. The main response circulated was largely the same as in 2000: DECLARATION OF ANNEXING THE BRITISH ISLES AS PART OF THE USA. (2004) (ANOTHER) US RESPONSE TO THE REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE. While we Americans might have taken this little joke of yours badly, we have recognized it for what it is: a cry for or curse help. On Residential Segregation! We realize that you are tired of being a third-rate little country on your own. The Chase Essay! Therefore we shall bring you into essays on residential the fold as our 51st state. There will be some changes:
1. The Chase Essay! An unprecedented road-building initiative shall commence immediately. Check out the essays segregation, interstate system in the US. You'll see why this is needed. We will probably bring in Germans to do this. Looking at you present system of transport there seems to be nothing to recommend English engineers. 2. Everyone will be issued with an thesis programming automobile.
Once you realize that commute of over 30 minutes in a country this size is unacceptable, you'll thank us. 3. Squads of bitter, overweight, ex-high school, and essays on residential, college athletes will be shipped over to instruct you on winning. In short, winning is everything. Coming in third place consistently and congratulating yourselves on being good sports is stupid. Wake up. (We also believe this pedantic infatuation with language may be due to your loser status. Giving you something to programming languages feel good about.)
4. You will no longer be allowed to mention the Second World War. It was the last thing you won, but it was over fifty years ago. 5. You will now be allowed to express your feelings when you want. If someone cuts in front of you in line - queue is a silly word and is henceforth outlawed - you are now allowed to kick his ass or shoot him. That's part of being an American: choices and handguns. Essays On Residential! You're really going to dissertation office of chicago like this. 6. The English tradition of getting in line will probably go out of style once the stores are open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and actually have what you're looking for at on residential, a price you can afford. This is a lot to take in. Breathe slowly and take it a little at a time. 7. Soccer is science, out the window. Let's face it, sitting around for two hours watching a bunch of guys not score points is infuriating.
That's why you kill each other over it. 8. The Spice Girls will be executed. Segregation! No discussion. Things that will not change: 1. Science! The monarchy will remain much as it is today. We think it's cute. However we will tax them. Anybody that rich can afford it. 2. On Residential! You can keep ignoring the example of an and thesis, metric system, but maybe do it a little more proactively like the rest of the States.
Let's face it. Do you really want your kids using something the French came up with? 3. Essays! The English accent will remain intact. We like the sound of dissertation office university of chicago it, even if you do use a lot of silly words. Congratulations on essays your ascension to essay communication workplace these heady heights. (2004) THE BRITISH REJECTION OF THE REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE. Upon reflection, Her Majesty's Government has decided that the essays, British no longer want America. For a start, we do not wish to lower our average IQ. To allow distinction between Britain and America the following should be implemented forthwith: 1. The English language is English as the name English suggests; new dialects made from the non-English are to be banned. The English decide how the English language is to be spoken.
As no Americans know how to speak English, we think it best for you to make up your own language - you’ve nearly done so already. It’ll be easier than learning correct English. We advise that the creation of the new language American should be left to the few of you with IQs larger than 60. English will now be studied as a foreign language at all stages of the American education system; you may just learn it that way. Your country does not have a higher number of English speakers, what you are speaking is not actually English. There is no such nationality as Scotch; it is Scottish. Don’t complain about how we depict you when you don’t even know what we’re called. 2. Hollywood is to acknowledge what really happened in all war films. You did not have the U-571 mission. That was the British.
We Were Soldiers is to science is blessing or curse have a new ending. Don't even get us started on essays on residential The Patriot. You did not win Vietnam; the films should show this. Example Statement! Hollywood is to create 10 films of what America did wrong in wartime, we all make mistakes, no wonder you are all big-headed. 3. Sports are from now on allowed no padding. Essays! We can cope without it, you will be surprised to find that no other country uses it and it is not necessary. We created the is blessing or curse, first football, so we decide what is football.
Your sport football is now called American Women’s Rugby. On Residential! Basketball will be called Men’s Netball. When you have realised that less padding is better, bouncing the ball will not be allowed. Example Of An Essay Introduction And Thesis Statement! In Hockey only the goalkeeper will wear pads, and you are only allowed to hit with one side of the essays on residential, stick. Essay Workplace! Cricket will be taught from an early age; while adults can’t understand it, the children might still develop an IQ. 4. The Star Spangled Banner is to segregation be used as the theme tune for Sesame Street.
The existing one is a little too intelligent for American children. As for the adults, the Sesame Street theme tune is on the same level as your intellectual abilities and the chase essay, is now your National Anthem. If you come back with some smart-arse comment about Sesame Street’s theme tune, it will just prove that you watch it. Essays! Think carefully. 5. Teletubbies was intended for children's television. If you can’t cope with it try to make some other childish programmes yourself. 6. Essay Is Blessing! Adverts can only be shown twice every 30 minutes on television.
TV is for programmes not advertising. Shopping channels will be merged with ordinary stations; this will reduce your advertising, your credit card debts, and the cost of essays segregation your cable bill. 7. Communication! Again, we made beer, so we decide what it is. American Budweiser is not beer; beer tastes good. 8. In the next US election you will vote for someone who has the mental age of at least 12. It’s not much, but improvements should be gradual. If you elect someone with a mental age of more than 18, each of those that voted for this person will be presented with a certificate of sanity and mediocre intelligence.
9. If you always sue people, your best musicians may leave, as they will become bankrupt. Michael Jackson and Eminem are evidence that all your successful people just get sued all the time. With this it is no surprise that no-one has an IQ of segregation above 60, as the ones that do have to give their money to those that don’t. 10. You are not Irish. The Chase Essay! The real Irish get pissed off when you claim that you are once a year. If you insist on this habit, you may become part of Ireland, but that will mean that you have to learn English, rather than create American (see clause 1). 11. We don’t have handguns; our guns are used for hunting animals not people. You should adapt to do likewise.
This will reduce your death toll, and maybe some of the intelligent Americans may survive. 12. Segregation! Thank you for your co-operation. We believe if you do the above, your average IQ may rise by 50%. Essay And Thesis! You may now continue watching Teletubbies. PS You’re welcome for Iraq, though the segregation, Black Watch isn't too happy at the moment. It's a Scottish regiment, not a Scotch regiment (see clause 1) PPS Music is the one thing you’ve got right, stop suing the good artists. On second thoughts …. Keep on killing each other with handguns and thesis programming, keep eating burgers and pizzas washed down with cola.
That way, the segregation, combined mortality due to shootings, obesity and diabetes will render the American dilemma obsolete long before the essay, next US Election is due. (2004) ELECTION NOTICE. To the citizens of the former United States of America, In the event of inability to nominate a sentient candidate for essays on residential President of the USA, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your nationhood before you can once again make fools of yourself when it comes to actually voting. To save you the effort of deciding whether your chads are hanging or merely pregnant, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II intends to programming languages resume monarchial duties over all states, effective immediately. To help the Royal coffers, she intends to realise the land value by disposing of the territory in parcels as follows:- Texas will formally become part of Mexico; this formalises the current arrangement as the state is already a defacto part of Mexico. We hope the formalisation of its status will improve the cuisine.
To give the Mexicans more lebensraum Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri will also become part of Mexico. Alaska will be given back to segregation Russia. Inhabitants of the example essay and thesis, aforementioned states are advised to enrol on language courses, although considering how badly they speak English, their new landlords might resent having their languages mangled in a similar fashion. Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, the Dakotas, Nebraska, Minnesota and Iowa will all be given to Canada and become part of the essays segregation, British Commonwealth. The majority of and thesis Canada's population is crammed up against essays on residential, their warmer southern border, so we believe it only fair they get a bit of communication breathing room.
Inhabitants of those regions will need to essays segregation get used to things such as Mounties, good manners and speaking French. Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas and Alabama, which her Majesty considers somewhat backward, will be renamed Arcadia and given to the Quebecois as an independent country. We have been to Quebec and noticed that it gets a bit chilly and they are always petitioning for independence, so we've decided to give it to them. All lawyers and political correctness campaigners will be transported to Nevada. So much of America is run by lawyers, for essay communication the benefit of lawyers, that they are considered a degenerate separate race and will be given their own country. Essays Segregation! There will be strict border controls and they will not be permitted passports. By the time the lawyers have finished suing each other over what to call the new country, they will have died out. Dissertation! Political correctness campaigners will be too busy with circumlocutions to ever get around to essays breeding. Elsewhere, lawyers will largely be replaced by something currently missing from American society - common sense. The reason the USA has become so litigious is essay science is blessing, a ploy by its real ruling class - lawyers - to remain rich and in control. Florida will be given to Israel, since its inhabitants are already so obsessed with what goes on in that country.
When technology permits, it will be air-freighted to segregation the Middle East. Your hazy grasp of world geography means you probably won't notice anything except the page for a paper, lack of regular tropical storms. Essays On Residential! California will be given its independence as a gay state. Feel free to example essay statement paint it pink, rename it or whatever you like, but don't get too attached to any seafront properties as another couple of quakes will see most of it fall into the sea. Her Majesty rather fancies Hawaii as a royal retreat and a playboy paradise for Princes William and Harry. It will make a change from all those skiing holidays at Klosters. After all, the Queen and Duke are not getting any younger and would prefer to over-winter in warmer climes. The remaining states, i.e. Essays! those not mentioned individually, will be turned over to native American rule. In the interest of fairness, descendants of early colonists will get their beads back. Anyone descended from immigrant stock, which is most of you, will be moved into a reservation.
We suggest Manhattan Island, though it might get a bit crowded. Thank you for your co-operation and have a nice day. It was inevitable that the Revocation would do the rounds again in essay science is blessing or curse 2004. In addition to the land-sale, there were 2 main versions in circulation and a number of essays on residential segregation minor variations of each of essay statement these. Essays On Residential Segregation! The main variants are pick-and-mix versions of the previous election's efforts. However, being an old joke it did not take the world be storm as it did in 2000. (2012) AFTER RE-ELECTION OF BARACK OBAMA. A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN. To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II,
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for formatting a cover for a research paper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. On Residential Segregation! (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Dissertation Office! Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for segregation America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. Thesis Languages! A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. Essays On Residential Segregation! To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to example introduction and thesis statement spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and essays, inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. Office University! We will let Microsoft know on essays segregation your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to the chase essay take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 4. You will learn to segregation resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The Chase Essay! The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to segregation be independent. The Chase Essay! Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to segregation shoot grouse. 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in formatting research public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on essays on residential the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the essay science is blessing, benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Essays! Get used to it. 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at example and thesis statement, all. Essays Segregation! Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and example of an essay introduction statement, European brews of known and essays, accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to formatting a cover page research paper the beer.
They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for on residential them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to programming languages cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the on residential segregation, World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of essay science or curse their deliveries. 13.. You must tell us who killed JFK.
It's been driving us mad. 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at essays on residential segregation, 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in communication season.
God Save the Queen! PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)! Brief History of this Political Parody. The 4 item Revocation of Independence was posted 8 th November by Alan Baxter (Rochester, UK) on an internal newsgroup of a defence company operating in the UK, US and Australia. Essays On Residential Segregation! It grew to a 10 item, then a 13 item, list. Office University! Newsgroup subscriber Peter Rieden (Farnborough, UK) mailed his Revocation of essays Independence to usenet on thesis languages 15 th November and essays on residential segregation, other subscribers to the internal newsgroup passed it on by email and dissertation university, newsgroup. Rieden doesn't claim authorship of the various versions currently in circulation, but is a co-author of the most widespread version (later recycled in 2004). Essays Segregation! He claimed to formatting a cover research paper have received a 10 item version by email from a colleague at essays on residential, Warton, UK and rehashed it into example of an essay and thesis statement a 13 point version which he posted to essays on residential segregation usenet. Thesis Programming Languages! Rieden noted that he got the rest of his ideas from an item on the BBC Radio 4 Today program (06:30 to on residential segregation 09:00 morning news program). It is example of an introduction and thesis, possible that the version forwarded by Baxter and that received and extended by Rieden was an on residential segregation item emailed to of an essay introduction and thesis statement a few friends by Dan Fox on the 8th November.
In May 2001 some 6 months after the Revocation of Independence did the rounds, Dan Fox, a public relations consultant from essays, London and languages, self-confessed political junkie, claimed to be the ultimate originator of the Revocation of Independence. He claimed to have written his Revocation email (a list of items) in the early hours of November the 8 th and emailed it to 13 people in the US. This would account for the different (and terser) list published in essays the USA. Within days Fox and his 13 email contacts received amended versions from friends throughout Europe and North America, though he claims they were clearly based on his original. However, the thesis, Revocation had taken on a life of its own and was evolving into a quite different list. In April 2005, Kevin O'Connor also claimed to be the original author of the 10 point version while at university. He claims to have mailed it to essays a few friends and had no idea how it got onto the internet. O'Connor's claimed 10 point version is equivalent to the Rieden 13 point version, minus the three items relating to for a research paper sea salt, bitter (beer) and gasoline prices. O'Connor claims it was an original take on essays the Bush/Gore election, with a variety of old running jokes from his Senior School days when he hung around with a witty (and jokingly anti-French) crowd who had an science or curse American for essays an English Teacher. It is apparent that the various terms of the Revocation occurred to various contributors, prompted by the US election and by a long-standing British cultural joke.
Fox's (or O'Connor's) emailed version may have brought a simmering British joke to boiling point. Once let loose by email, its progress and thesis programming, evolution become impossible to trace - items were added, edited or lost. Various forms were soon widespread throughout usenet, on websites and in inboxes. There were several identifiable major and minor variants. On Residential! The day after Rieden's usenet posting (although by then it had already leaked onto usenet via other routes), the Revocation was emailed out as a joke-of-the-day. Upon a few more refining comments (added by other individuals) it became the the chase essay, article which was emailed around the world. The first 4 points of the terse American 15 point version are identical to those in the Baxter version and segregation, may owe more to the chase essay Fox's original than to the Baxter/Rieden version, but its spread was hindered by cultural references that mean little to on residential segregation non-Americans e.g. outside of the thesis programming, USA, relatively few know what the essays, Washington Monument or Lincoln Memorial are.
Those items were soon lost from the the chase essay, list. On Thursday 16 th it appeared on essays on residential segregation the BBC News Website. On Sunday 19 th November, it was mentioned on the 09:00 UK ITV News. On 20 th November I received (by company internal email) the essay, first of on residential many responses - a Notice of of an and thesis statement Annexation of the UK by the US. On Tuesday 21 st , the email version of Revocation was read out in full on BBC Radio Merseyside and on residential, appeared on dissertation office university of chicago the front page of the prestigious UK newspaper, The Times in the article Who Wants to Be A President? which read: The latest bumper sticker reads 'Screw this I'm moving to Canada' and essays, an internet proclamation suggests that as Americas 224 year experiment with independence seems to be in chaos, it may be time for Her Majesty to take over again On 20 th November Rieden admitted that his role in dissertation office the writing (or rewriting) of the Revocation had proven to be something of an embarrassment to him.
He had received hundreds of essays emails from amused usenet subscribers. There had not been a single negative response. By this time, recipients were adding their own personal thoughts to the Notice of Revocation leading to multiple versions in circulation. The Revocation had become email-lore and references (citations) and excerpts were appearing in on-line and hard-copy publications. Most versions stabilised at 10 or 12 items, though the content varied. The 15 item version at the top of this page is of an and thesis, a compilation of 5 or 6 different versions. The following response was posted to sci.military.naval on 21 st Nov as being from the on residential segregation, Supreme Court of Florida, but was less well-received by Brits on science is blessing the newsgroup and did not make it into email-lore: To the imperialist British colonizers - That 'z' will have to go to start with. In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency - There's no indecision - the essays segregation, answer was NO. You already almost speak our language - It think you have that backwards.
Princess Diana will be declared a saint. - Too late. Look up aluminum [. . University Of Chicago! .] we discovered it, we named it, you are mispronouncing it. - Nope Aluminium was discovered in segregation 1808 by Sir Humphrey Davy . Formatting A Cover! (NB: Remember that American film-makers rewrote wartime history so that the US were the segregation, codebreakers, not the UK with the Enigma machine.) Resistance is futile. Just ask Hawaii [. . .] Norman fops. - Perhaps you should visit Wales, briefly. And in the chase essay order to avoid supporting third world countries and welfare states [. . Essays Segregation! .] Hong Kong immediately. - Once you're done in Wales, you may convalesce in the Falklands. Enjoy your vacation. Wouldn't South Georgia be more appropriate. If you wanted it pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in the first place. - Take that up with the Scots - they will demand statehood in of chicago their own right or there will be claymores brandished in the Capitol. Scotch characters will wear plaid - Scotch is a drink - that sort of mistake will be painful if you make it in Sauciehall Street.
The British film industry . Essays! . What British Film Industry? You will learn your new national anthem The Star Spangled Banner. For A Research! - Do you have Gujarati, Hindi and Farsi versions? It shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university and your places of essays work. You might want to research the history of what happened when Nissan required workers to essay communication sing the essays segregation, company song. Essay Workplace! The British working man can be very inventive when it comes to on residential finding Obscene words for such anthems (Note: Brits have already written obscene words to the US anthem)
If it doesn't require 45 pounds of padding, it isn't football. - Well just because its too dangerous for Americans the formatting page, rest of us don’t have to wimp out. You should also stop playing cricket. Americans can't understand the essays on residential segregation, rules. - Perhaps you might care to wonder why every Peasant in the India subcontinent can figure out something you can't. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be declared a draw. The Chase Essay! - Right unlike that well known short simple game called Baseball. We will help you to blow up your Houses of essays on residential segregation Parliament - I've a better idea, lets burn down the White House AGAIN. Roundabouts will be banned. - Better rip up the rotaries in Mass first (Note: the first roundabout in Florida split the population into 2 parts - those who have had a wreck and essay workplace, those who haven't encountered the roundabout yet) You will also learn the essays on residential, difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans. - We know the difference - you have a lot to communication workplace learn. On 23rd November, when everyone thought that the segregation, joke was finished, an introduction Australian response appeared on sci.military.naval, posted by David Shaw (it followed an on residential England vs Australia rugby match). It was understandably, popular in Australia but its circulation was limited as the sentiments and language were quite forthright and some of the dissertation office university, topics are not well understood outside of Australia. None of the responses are as widespread as the Fox/O'Connor/Baxter/Rieden version; in fact they are seen a deliberate attempts to segregation cash in on the popularity of the Revocation proving that deliberate attempts to the chase essay create urban legends and cult emails are rarely successful. Various other notices followed in essays the same vein, but were not widespread.
Soon after that, the the chase essay, Revocation seemed to die - although it would later turn out to be only sleeping. In 2004, it started all over again, but was largely confined to usenet, bulletin boards and blogs (blogs were uncommon in 2000). Essays Segregation! It was first spotted on dissertation of chicago 4 th November on usenet, but either enthusiasm had waned or the political climate no longer supported the joke because it wasn't as widespread or popular as in 2000. Essays On Residential! There were 2 main versions, one of which is the same as the 15 point collation at the top of this webpage. Science Is Blessing Or Curse! The most widespread American response was also the same as in on residential segregation 2000, though a second, original, response also appeared as did a British rejection notice i.e. on second thoughts we don't want you back! During 2004, it was also wrongly attributed to English comedian John Cleese and the chase essay, was circulated crediting him as the author. Cleese did not write it, the essays on residential, version was a rehash of the earlier Fox/O'Connor/Rieden/Baxter version already in wide circulation since November 2000.
Note: Internet/usenet/email humour has now been dubbed e-lore, e-folklore and e-tradition folklore and is treated as a folklore tradition in its own right. The other traditions (modes of transmission) are oral tradition and written tradition. E-tradition folklore is notable for its rapid proliferation, including across national boundaries, and its rapid mutation.
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Virginia Woolf – “A Haunted House” Essay. Modernist literature is marked by a break with the sequential, developmental, cause-and-effect presentation of the ‘reality’ of realist fiction, toward a presentation of experience as layered, allusive, discontinuous; the use, to these ends, of fragmentation and juxtaposition, motif, symbol, allusion. Language is no longer seen as transparent, something if used correctly allows us to ‘see through’ to on residential segregation reality: rather language is seen as a complex, nuanced site of our construction of the ‘real’. Experimentation in dissertation office of chicago form in order to present differently, afresh, the structure, the connections, and the experience of life. The tightening of essays form: an emphasis on formatting a cover page for a, cohesion, interrelatedness and depth in the structure of the aesthetic object and essays on residential, of experience; this is accomplished in part through the use of various devices such as motif, juxtaposition, significant parallels, different voices, shifts and overlays in time and place and perspective. The (re)presentation of inner (psychological) reality, including the ‘flow’ of experience, through devices such as stream of consciousness. The use of such structural approaches to experience as psychoanalysis, myth, the symbolic apprehension and comprehension of reality.
The use of interior or symbolic landscape: the world is moved ‘inside’, structured symbolically or metaphorically. Time is moved into the interior as well: time becomes psychological time (time as innerly experienced) or symbolic time (time or measures of time as symbols, or time as it accommodates a symbolic rather than a historical reality), not the dissertation university of chicago, ‘historical’ or railway time of realism. Time is used as well more complexly as a structuring device through a movement backwards and forwards through time, the juxtaposing of events of different times, and so forth. A HAUNTED HOUSE is a symbolic representation of Modernism as seen through Virginia Woolf?s style. It is not accidental the fact that it is a short-novel; the profound concentration of images, symbols, connections has a greater impact than it would have had in a more detailed presentation.
A few pages are enough for condensing images laden with significance, and their apparent arbitrary flowing is segregation, enriched by their mirroring into the attributes of example statement Modernism. It is not dangerous or far-fetched to compare the novel with a poem, with some sort of Virginia Woolf?s Ars Poetica in blank verse; as in a poem, the novel has its interior rhyme that circles around the idea of literature as treasure, it?s refrain ? ?Safe,safe,safe? and even its poet ? ?a ghostly couple?- in its musical searching for the Muse; additionally, the novel opens and ends with the same idea of ?wakening? as in a ring-like poem, but also pointing to writer?s recapture in the world of words. We should ask ourselves why the novel doesn?t start with the image of the essays on residential segregation, couple who sleeps; and the answer is obviously related to essay communication the fact that the sleeping couple is essays, not as important as the ghostly one; modernists didn?t agree with the of an essay introduction and thesis statement, cannons, especially those ?imposed? by essays on residential segregation the tradition in essay writing; that is why we are not aware of the symbols and of their importance and contribution to the novel until we read the novel again, and essays on residential segregation, again…Prima facie, it seems to be a love story beyond time and death: the old ghostly couple still love one another after having been dead for a while, they return to the old house, full of memories of formatting a cover page for a laughter, kisses, and joy. But this is a simplistic and out of the literary context interpretation. If we admit that this is a literary manifesto, then we should perceive A HAUNTED HOUSE as Virginia Woolf?s retrieval, as a writer and as a woman. Why a couple? Why two couples? Virginia Woolf is seen as a feminist writer; but in this novel she doesn?t choose a female character, but a couple; it is her attempt to make inner peace following the natural laws which tell that we have all, no matter of the sex, our feminine and also our masculine part within our essence (yin/yang).The couple is the symbol of universal harmony, equilibrium and peace.
It is not a female ghost and a male ghost, but a couple, which means that the gender barriers have already been crossed, thus creating an homogeneous entity. The ghostly couple?s replays underline this idea: they round each other and they fill out the essays segregation, other?s sentence. They form a single voice, the voice of the writer: “Here we left it,” she said. And he added, “Oh, but here too!” “It’s upstairs,” she murmured. “And in the garden,” he whispered. “Quietly,” they said, “or we shall wake them.” The sudden movement between ?them? and ?us? is nothing too striking for Modernists. The permanent shift, the well-known ?camera-eye? is a literary technique used in order to offer a dynamic perspective on reality like the imperceptible and chaotic movement of thoughts. The pen, the page, the book become symbols for the act of creation, and the ghostly couple ? the inspiration over the writer?s shoulder.
This second paragraph is like a scene from a dramatic play and the comparison is sustained by thesis programming languages the presence of the curtain as a substitute for secret, blindness, unseen, hidden. These are the attributes of the reality as it is perceived by the modernists: the reality which lies beyond the physical appearances and beyond what is obvious. One might say, one would be certain, one might rise and on residential segregation, see for oneself? are three distinctive phases in dissertation office university the process of creation, of essays on residential understanding, of searching the core of programming languages truth detached opinion, resigned certainty (the margin -stopping the pencil on the margin?- points to essays resignation) and ? action, respectively; the power of action as the power of seeing the house of creation and accepting it, with its ?bubbling? (speak all to nought) as well as with its ?wood pigeons? (the purity of example introduction art). My hands were empty? is another important refrain as it is also present in the third paragraph too. The hands, as a symbol for concrete, for object, for reality itself, will never be able to catch the spirit of inspiration; the creation of art is not a technical manipulated process, human physical abilities are not important. It would be enough to suit that the biblical story that the apple is alluring and tasty, and also that in both Hebrew and classical tradition the fruit is associated with sexual love, which Adam and Eve discover, in some interpretations, after eating it. But in classical myth another famous apple is The Apple of Discord (or Erris) which led to segregation the Trojan War. We should also take into consideration the apple of the the chase essay, eye which is the pupil, and by extension, any intimate or cherished object. (The Lord guarded Jacob as ?the apple of his eye Deut.32.10)
In A HAUNTED HOUSE the segregation, apples are in is blessing the loft (loft ? a large unpartitioned space over a ware house or also a raised shelter where the essays on residential segregation, pigeons are kept) and this may be the level that has to do with aspiration; the apples here turn their ?side? as the door is opened; the is blessing, apples are reflected; the apples are rolled. All these scenically provided indications lead us to the idea that the apples are the objects of on residential segregation focalization, enriched with the power of changing perspectives; the fruits are the result of the act of creation; their presence may imply sin, or passion, or discord the storm-beaten destiny of a human being but in the meantime they point to Knowledge as a profound desire, to fertility in of an essay introduction statement litarature. Essays On Residential Segregation? We should ask why the apples are not in office university the hands (again my hands are empty) but in the loft the level of creation is not easy to be reached, the tremendous search for the truth, for knowledge, for self-achievement is very tough and subjected to essays segregation many trials. The text provides two kinds of birds: the wood pigeons (Eurasian pigeon with white patches on wings and neck) and the thrush (Songbirds characteristically having brownish upper plumage with a spotted breast). Generally speaking, the symbolism of birds is metaphorical: they like freedom, they build themselves homes, they often engage in social relations with other members of their species and they communicate with them by acoustic means recalling articulated language that is why the the chase essay, bird world is a metaphorical human society (as in Chaucers PARLIAMENT OF FOWLS). In Christian myth it was a heavenly dove that filled Mary with the Holly Spirit. But in essays segregation A HAUNTED HOUSE the symbols of the birds are much more profound; they are connected with flying, flying as freedom or flying as the words fly (?winged words? ? Homer); they are connected with thoughts and with their ?savage? structure ? words that ?bubble?, words that remain in ?shadow?. Their presence in the novel underlines the visual and acoustical effects; they are life, they are nature, they are certainty within this allegorical description. (Carl Jung said that birds represent thoughts while birds in flight symbolize moving and changing thoughts.
Birds are generally associated with freedom and abandon. In old dream interpretation books, birds are considered lucky omens except for blackbirds, which are generally negative. Doves and eagles are generally spiritual symbols. Virginia?s wood pigeon and thrush have the meaning of a spiritual or psychological freedom). Rooms are spaces sometimes independent of people and sometimes reflecting them; rooms allow for the freedom of (imagination) movement within the confines of the familiar: From room to room they went. Houses usually symbolize our emotional and psychological selves. All of your experiences, stages of development, and parts of of an introduction and thesis statement your conscious and unconscious life may be represented by segregation that house.
The house may be representing issues concerning a particular dilemma in life, or it may be more general and comprehensive. Dissertation University? Virginias house is in fact her being, her dualist profound being ? the essays segregation, sleeping couple, her inspiration the essay workplace, ghostly couple, her aspiration the apples, her frustrations and her desires of deliverance the birds, her consciousness the glass. Its the image of a secure place. Any part of a house usually represents a part of the self . One by one, the elements that roll around the house, complete the writers being and feelings: Going up and on residential, down the stairs could mean several different things. It could represent changes in consciousness, movement from one inner plane to essay science another, or a change in understanding. It is essays on residential segregation, a constant shift of perspectives in a literary work or vision. Climbing (upstairs) may represent an achievement and a movement in a positive direction, but also Modernism itself as opposed to descending (downstairs) which may symbolize doubts or the dissertation of chicago, old cannons and conventions in literature. The curtain is on residential, some sort of a shield of protection from difficulties and temptation and The garden may be a symbol of lost innocence or youth.
The doors are very important because they play the role of an opened or closed passage: opened door ? free information, chaotic movement and closed door ? denial of information, refusal; going through a door may represent going from one state of consciousness to another, or from one inner plane to another. Communication? Locked or closed doors may represent an essays on residential segregation obstacle or opportunities that are not currently available to you. Dissertation? Also doors may represent choices. The loft is the last thing built and it symbolizes the essays on residential, higher self, or best self (the self that is in contact with the eternal) or also the sum total of ones life works. But the loft is filled with apples and communication workplace, it may imply the accomplishment of desires, of goals, the high level of literature. The window is essays on residential segregation, a rich symbol. Its accurate interpretation can lead to awareness. The reflection of apples and roses may represent the the chase essay, desire for greater satisfaction and more peace. But a window may also represent a time frame.
Windows in our houses allow us to see the world on the outside, the windows in Virginia Woolf?s novel are an encouragement for better seeing the world within ourselves, as well as the essays, world outside. The drawing-room – formal room where visitors can be received and entertained is the room of consciousness. The wind could be symbolic of spirit or the life force. The wind may represent changes. The greater the formatting page research paper, force of the wind, the grater the change. The sound of the wind is special because it is essays, a sound of nature and communication workplace, has spiritual significance. The garden is segregation, reflected in languages the house’s windowpanes: the window panes reflected apples, reflected roses, all the leaves were green in essays on residential the glass. By using the garden motif, by reflecting apples, roses (indicative of divine love), leaves green in the glass (green meaning rebirth and growth), the passage points to the idea of wisdom, purity, timelessness. For a time, one of the house’s inhabitants had left the a cover page paper, other, had gone beyond the garden, had seen the stars turned in the Southern sky.
But as a limb of his dwelling space, he had returned. Woolf?s passages are filled with light and on residential, suggest rich inner immensities. She recreates the ecstatic moments during which the external world and the self unite in of an essay introduction and thesis statement a stasis that is like a still-life painting. In A HAUNTED HOUSE, the light fades. ?Out in the garden then? … the trees spun darkness for a wandering beam of sun, the beam of the lamp falls straight from the window … the essays on residential, candle burns stiff and tall … the eyes of the house are vigilant and watch wild beams of moonlight cross both floor and wall?, and thus the essay or curse, imagery of light leads to the buried treasure, the light in the heart? or the treasure of freedom, the inner vastness inherent to every man. Woolf?s language is on residential, a malleable, living material: words and punctuation, line length, text shape. The arrangement of her words is a symbol, half concrete and half emotional. Until the peak of creation is reached, the procedure is rational, but the experience of creation itself is irrational, a vision or a communion. There is no invention in thesis the writer until he is inspired and possessed. Only the one who is inspired my enter the segregation, temple of literature.
When inspired the writer practices his creative art and this is the chase essay, a process by essays on residential segregation means of which passage from dissertation office university nonbeing to being is brought about. By implication, the experience creates ?creativity?. Creativity means freedom. Most obviously freedom from the on residential segregation, pollution of mortality; the novel opens and ends with the the chase essay, same idea of ?awakening? as a returning to reality; that means that the sleep is not a sleep in itself, here, in this novel, but the inspired state in which, as noticed in the whole novel, the self is on residential segregation, related to the object by thesis programming becoming one with it. Toolan, Michael J. Essays Segregation? Narrative.
A Critical Linguistic Introduction.London New York: Routhledge,1991. Avadanei, Stefan. Introduction to programming languages Poetics. (vol .2) . On Residential? Iasi: Institutul European, 2002. Lodge, David. Formatting Page Research? The Art of Fiction. London: Penguin Books, 1992 (excerpts) University/College: University of Arkansas System. Type of paper: Thesis/Dissertation Chapter. Date: 14 July 2016. Let us write you a custom essay sample on Virginia Woolf – “A Haunted House” for only essays segregation $16.38 $13.9/page.
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2 ways to resume print from last layer. Due to essays segregation new filament extruder, my filament is far from science or curse perfect and gets jammed in the nozzle from time to time preventing me to complete my print 100%. So, to avoid having to on residential reprint the model from a scratch and replacing the tape and wait time to heat the science bed and cry over essays segregation, wasted filament i decided to just resume the print from its last layer. CURA and CRAFTWARE making it really eazy so why not post a tutorial. And Thesis. My model was centered both times so i didnt have to know if new generated code will match models position on the bed. Essays Segregation. I recomend re-opening Gcode you used to print your model and making a copy of office it.This will make sure that your model will resume in its original orientation and essays, location. Yes you can turn off your printer and come back doing it tomorrow. Example Introduction And Thesis. #1 Look at your model and find easiest spot from which to on residential count layers. The Chase Essay. #2 Count layers from the eazy spot (as described in essays on residential, step #1) using a toothpick or a needle for accuracy. #3 Open Gcode used to print this model (if you 100% sure orientation and location are the same, you can generate new one, just make sure all parameters are the office same) #4 Go into layer preview mode and find your easy to spot layer (as described in essays on residential segregation, step #1) #5 Add what ever number of layers you counted (as in step #2) to currently viewing layer. #6 Due to the nature of CURA starting layers from 0 (Brim and Raft have negative values and need to essay science be concidered as well when editing Gcode) drop 1 number. For example: Your print failed at layer 44. Drop 1 number and your target layer is 43. #7 Open Gcode in text editor (or what ever) and search for on residential segregation ;LAYER:X (X is the layer number you determined) #8 Delete everything before this layer leaving parameter values such as temperature/home for XYZ etc all the example of an essay way down to M117 Printing. Essays Segregation. Your code should now look something like this: pre class=_prettyXprint _lang-html M109 T0 S240.000000. G28 X0 Y0 ;move X/Y to min endstops.
G28 Z0 ;move Z to min endstops. Of An And Thesis. G1 Z15.0 F13200 ;move the platform down 15mm. G92 E0 ;zero the extruded length. G1 F200 E3 ;extrude 3mm of feed stock. G92 E0 ;zero the extruded length again. ;Put printing message on LCD screen. G0 F13200 X92.25 Y136.17 Z13.20. G1 F2700 X91.17 Y136.16 E4987.93047.
G1 X84.75 Y136.16 E4988.28186. G1 X84.75 Y134.41 E4988.37760. G1 X101.42 Y134.51 E4989.29061. G1 X123.58 Y134.51 E4990.50320. G1 X140.25 Y134.41 E4991.41615. #9 Make sure that line with (below) pre class=_prettyXprint _lang-html G1 Z15.0 F13200 ;move the platform down 15mm. has Z value higher then Z value for the layer you resuming from (below) pre class=_prettyXprint _lang-html G0 F13200 X92.25 Y136.17 Z13.20. This is to prevent nozzle bumping into the model when it reaches its start point. #10 Save the Gcode and essays segregation, print using newlyu saved/modified Gcode. #1 Move nozzle away from the model allowing it to touch the build platform.
#3 Using CURA or LCD controls, move and lift the nozzle right on top of the model. Languages. Write down the distance you had to on residential lift the nozzle. Thesis. (for example 43.5mm) #4 Open Gcode used to on residential segregation print the model and search for (Z43) do not specify the workplace 5 because it may be 3,4 or 6 or 7 depending on segregation, your print layer height. Found result shoud look like this. G0 F13200 X92.25 Y136.17 Z43.6/pre #5 If you print at example of an introduction 0.1mm layer height, then you need to match exact height, if not, then you need to pick the closest one. On Residential. I print at 0.3mm so closes to my estimated 43.5 height is 43.6 and science is blessing, previous layer would be 43.3 (obviously -0.3) #6 You want to find the lilne where next layer start. Essays Segregation. This is page for a research paper becayse you dont want to essays start printing from dissertation office university of chicago this layer but from the next.
So scroll down untill you find ;Layer:44 (in this example its 44) #7 Delete all layers before layer 44 leaving general print parameters (see example below) M109 T0 S240.000000. G28 X0 Y0 ;move X/Y to min endstops. G28 Z0 ;move Z to min endstops. G1 Z15.0 F13200 ;move the platform down 15mm. Essays. G92 E0 ;zero the extruded length. G1 F200 E3 ;extrude 3mm of feed stock. G92 E0 ;zero the extruded length again. The Chase Essay. ;Put printing message on LCD screen. #8 Make sure that your Platform or Extruder initial lift or drop is on residential greater then where you resume your print. In this example, print resumes at 43.6 mm so i want to make sure that my extruder gets above that height before it resumes the print. I do this by editing this line and changing Z15.0 to Z45. Nearly 2mm's higher.
G1 Z15.0 F13200 ;move the platform down 15mm. #9 Save your file, reupload to example and thesis SD card or print from CURA, how ever you want. #10 Watch your print. If its too low, stop and essays on residential, UNDO 1 layer to make it start higher, otherwise delete another layer. Posts: 10133 Location: Boston, United States Printers: Ultimaker 2, Ultimaker Original, Ultimaker 2 Extended, Ultimaker 2 Go, Ultimaker 3. One problem with this: ;Put printing message on LCD screen. G0 F13200 X92.25 Y136.17 Z13.20. G1 F2700 X91.17 Y136.16 E4987.93047. The red part above will have the the chase essay extruder try to rotate 4.9 Meters of filament! So you should add a. just before this to tell the extruder that you are already at this position. I like your method #1.
I have only segregation, tried method #2. I never tried counting layers from a known layer! smart! Yes you can turn off your printer and come back doing it tomorrow. Well on the Ultimaker2 if your bed is not at room temperature then you must leave the printer on and keep the bed at the same temperature. But yes, I've done this. Gone to the chase essay bed and continued the print the next day.
So if your bed is at 60C you MUST KEEP THE BED AT 60C UNTIL THE PRINT IS DONE. If not it will very likely pop off the bed when it gets cold. Here's my version of the on residential same thing: read all gr5 posts here: post #9 here has specific code change example for um2 (ultigcode): The red part above will have the extruder try to rotate 4.9 Meters of filament! So you should add a. just before this to tell the extruder that you are already at this position. The Chase Essay. Most likely the prevent lengthy extrusion protection is kicking in, preventing problems in this case. On Residential. But I wouldn't relay on essay or curse, that and it would be better to add the G92.
I update my program to allow users to segregation select starting and ending layers (as range) to be removed from the code and saved as new file (preserving original code unchanged in case of need make changes) It also has height search function to page for a research find what layer has given height. Newest version is here. Hope you guys find it usefull. I'd also suggest slowing the printer down when it resumes, to make it more likely that the first new layer will adhere to segregation the existing part. After the essay first few layers are down, it should be okay to turn the speed back up. And is segregation there any way to compensate if the dissertation of chicago new layers are shifted out of position when the print resumes? I was having a nice and successful 40 hour print: . up until this thing (I think it's a piece of fur from the cat) managed to make it all the way to the nozzle and then decide that it wasn't going to go any further: I managed to track down the right layer to resume from and edit the essays segregation Gcode, but the dissertation office university new layers are all shifted back a few mm from where they should be: Is there some way to correct that sort of thing when editing the Gcode?
Slowing down print ? I print large objects with cooling fan on. By the segregation time 1/4 of the layer is printed, rest is already cold. Dont think it matters. Layers shift because end stops were not triggered same as when print started. The Chase Essay. I had it happen to me few times. I forced the essays bed/extruder to move to where i need. I was off by office of chicago, very little. Just push the bed/extruder one belt tooth over one way or another, thats your best bet. Otherwise you need to tweak your endstops. If you were printing angels, print would not get ruined. Try printing something less satanic :mrgreen: I've already got success in restarting a printing job using method #2, however, I was just wondering why Cura does not log in a file the layers that were successfully completed.
It would make our lives much easier when restarting a jog. Just open the on residential segregation log, check the last layer was printed, cut the portion of the original g-code file, reload and start the printing job again. What no log is created by Cura while printing? (or if it's created. where it is?) Posts: 1332 Location: Montreal, Canada Printers: Ultimaker 2. It doesnt know the layer was properly printed. The human eye tell that its good or not but not the the chase essay machine. In addition, cura is not even in the equation when printing from the sd card. In the coming version(s) extra info will be displayed on the UM2 print progress so you will be able to essays segregation see what layer you are printing. What might be nice to have is essay instead of Print Finished a menu that says Troubleshoot Print or something that has some options like.. resume from layer, move to layer, set extent (set extent being setting the position of the head by segregation, finding the essay is blessing furthers point in one of two directions and using the wheel to position X and Y over that point, to avoid layer shifts when starting over) It's great we'll be able to see the layer as it prints, but for me and other posts I've seen these problem occur when we walk away on very long running prints.
Posts: 139 Location: Haren, Netherlands Printers: Ultimaker 2. Thanks, all my printing isues with warping were solved, and then the f. filaments tangles on the wheel. This thread solved the segregation problem. Thesis Programming. Great job. Posts: 1 Location: United States. Essays Segregation. If you were printing angels, print would not get ruined. A Cover Page Paper. Try printing something less satanic :mrgreen: A human skull is essays on residential segregation satan? You must be Catholic. Trying to resume a print in such a way just saved me hours. Has anyone tried to build this functionality into a cura 2 postprocessing plugin, yet?
Posts: 1 Location: United Kingdom. Has anyone done this with Cura 2? I have a large print which ran out of filament overnight. Essay Science Is Blessing. I've worked out I want to restart on layer 510. Here's the start of the original file. I tried editing that like so ( changing the starting Z to be 20 mm above the print ) but it looked as though it was about to crash before I switched off the power!
Posts: 1 Location: United States. I have a problem that I believe is caused by on residential, my Z offset. I have it set very high to compensate for an auto bed leveling sensor. Essay. (2.25 mm) and essays on residential, when I factor it into the equation and start at a layer plus the distance of my offset it is much too high but if I don't factor it in, it crashed into the print. And Thesis Statement. I used a layer height of .2mm and when I don't factor in the offset I start at layer 26, and when I do, I start at layer 36.
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Collapse of the Soviet Union Essay. The coup attempt sparked anger against the Communist Party. Gorbachev resigned as general secretary of the party. On Residential. The Soviet parliament voted to stop all party activities. Having first seized power in 1917 in a coup that succeeded, the Communist Party now collapsed because of a coup that failed. The coup also played a decisive role in the chase essay, accelerating the on residential segregation, breakup of the Soviet Union. Estonia and the chase essay Latvia quickly declared their independence. Other republics soon followed. Although Gorbachev pleaded for unity, no one was listening. By early December, all 15 republics had declared independence.
Yeltsin met with the leaders of other republics to chart a new course. They agreed to form the Commonwealth of Independent States, or CIS, a loose federation of former Soviet territories. Only the Baltic republics and Georgia declined to join. The formation of the segregation, CIS meant the death of the Soviet Union. On Christmas Day 1991, Gorbachev announced his resignation as president of the Soviet Union, st. Glasnost and Perestroika. In the 1980s, the dissertation office of chicago, Soviet Union was engulfed by a multitude of problems. The economy, especially the agricultural sector, began to fall apart.
The country lacked technological advancements and used inefficient factories, all while consumers were buying low-quality products and suffered from a shortage of social freedoms. To reform the distraught Soviet Union, the democratization of the Communist Party was promoted through Party Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev‘s policies of “perestroika” and “glasnost.” Perestroika refers to the reconstruction of the political and economic system established by the Communist Party. Politically, contested elections were introduced to reflect the democratic practices of essays segregation Western society and allow citizens to have a slight say in government. Economically, Perestroika called for de-monopolization and some semi-private businesses to function, ending the price controls established by the government for the past seven decades.
The goal was to create a semi-free market system, reflecting successful capitalist practices in the economies of Germany, Japan, and the United States. Unfortunately, such an economy took time to paper, thrive, and people found themselves stuck in a worn-out economy, which led to long-lines, strikes, and civil unrest. The term “Glasnost” means “openness” and was the name for the social and political reforms to bestow more rights and freedoms upon the Soviet people. Its goals were to include more people in essays on residential, the political process through freedom of expression. This led to a decreased censoring of the media, which in effect allowed writers and journalists to expose news of government corruption and the depressed condition of the Soviet people.
Glasnost also permitted criticism of government officials, encouraging more social freedoms like those that Western societies had already provided. Yet, the totalitarian state present since 1917 was difficult to dismantle, and when it fell apart, citizens were not accustomed to the lack of regulation and command. The outburst of office of chicago information about escalating crime and crimes by the government caused panic in the people. On Residential Segregation. This caused an increase in social protests in a nation used to living under the strictest government control, and went against the goals of essay or curse Gorbachev. These policies were in effect from 1985 to 1991, when Boris Yeltsin became Russia’s first popularly elected president. He then formed the Commonwealth of on residential segregation Independent States. Reconstructing the the chase essay, organization of the Soviet Union proved difficult and the effects were mixed; while more social freedoms were permitted, the economy was in deterioration and social unrest was growing among the people.
Glasnost and Perestroika eventually helped cause the fall of the Soviet Union and on residential the end of the Cold War, which had lasted from formatting a cover for a paper 1945 to 1991. www.coldwar.org/articles/80s/GlasnostandPerestroika.asp. The Collapse of the segregation, Soviet Union. by James Graham. The collapse of the formatting page, Union of Socialist Soviet Republics radically changed the world’s economic and political environment. No other conflict of interest dominated the post World War Two world like the on residential, cold war did. One man is the chase essay credited with ending the cold war, Mikhail Gorbachev. This however was not the biggest event Gorbachev was responsible for. The end of the cold war was just a by-product of the other major event he was involved with. That is the fall of communism in the USSR and the collapse of the USSR itself. Essays On Residential Segregation. Gorbachev a communist reformer was appointed General Secretary of the Communist Party of the example essay introduction, Soviet Union in 1985. His appointment followed the death of three previous Soviet leaders in three years.
Leonid Brezhnev was first to go followed by Yuri Andropov and essays Konstantin Chernenko. Not being able to afford another short term leader the page for a paper, old guard appointed the youthful 56 year old Mikhial Gorbachev as General Secretary. From the outside it seemed as if this great superpower self destructed in only three months. The USSR’s demise is of course more complicated than this. The break up of the USSR can be traced back to segregation, Gorbachevs appointment and his early reforms. Gorbachev introduced a wide ranging program of science is blessing reform. His major reforms were glasnost, perestroika and essays on residential democratisation. These reforms allowed the problems of the USSR to be uncovered and become public knowledge. Essay Science. Ethnic unrest, economic inefficiency and historical atrocities were the major challenges Gorbachev faced. How he dealt with these challenges and how successful he was is examined in this report www.historyorb.com/russia/intro.php.
Fall of the Soviet Union. In December of 1991, as the world watched in amazement, the on residential, Soviet Union disintegrated into fifteen separate countries. Thesis Programming. Its collapse was hailed by the west as a victory for on residential segregation freedom, a triumph of democracy over totalitarianism, and evidence of the example of an introduction and thesis, superiority of capitalism over socialism. The United States rejoiced as its formidable enemy was brought to its knees, thereby ending the Cold War which had hovered over these two superpowers since the end of World War II. Indeed, the breakup of the Soviet Union transformed the entire world political situation, leading to a complete reformulation of political, economic and military alliances all over the globe.
What led to this monumental historical event? In fact, the answer is a very complex one, and can only be arrived at with an understanding of the on residential, peculiar composition and history of the the chase essay, Soviet Union. Essays Segregation. The Soviet Union was built on approximately the same territory as the Russian Empire which it succeeded. After the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917, the newly-formed government developed a philosophy of socialism with the eventual and gradual transition to Communism. The state which the Bolsheviks created was intended to overcome national differences, and rather to create one monolithic state based on a centralized economical and political system. Dissertation Office University Of Chicago. This state, which was built on a Communist ideology, was eventually transformed into a totalitarian state, in which the Communist leadership had complete control over the country. However, this project of creating a unified, centralized socialist state proved problematic for several reasons.
First, the Soviets underestimated the degree to which the non-Russian ethnic groups in the country (which comprised more than fifty percent of the total population of the Soviet Union) would resist assimilation into a Russianized State. Second, their economic planning failed to meet the needs of the State, which was caught up in a vicious arms race with the United States. This led to gradual economic decline, eventually necessitating the need for reform. Finally, the ideology of Communism, which the essays, Soviet Government worked to instill in the hearts and communication workplace minds of its population, never took firm root, and eventually lost whatever influence it had originally carried. By the time of the 1985 rise to power of Mikhail Gorbachev, the Soviet Union’s last leader, the country was in on residential segregation, a situation of severe stagnation, with deep economic and of an introduction and thesis political problems which sorely needed to be addressed and overcome. Segregation. Recognizing this, Gorbachev introduced a two-tiered policy of reform. Languages. On one level, he initiated a policy of glasnost, or freedom of speech.
On the other level, he began a program of economic reform known as perestroika, or rebuilding. What Gorbachev did not realize was that by giving people complete freedom of essays on residential expression, he was unwittingly unleashing emotions and political feelings that had been pent up for decades, and dissertation office university of chicago which proved to essays on residential, be extremely powerful when brought out into the open. Moreover, his policy of economic reform did not have the immediate results he had hoped for and had publicly predicted. The Soviet people consequently used their newly allotted freedom of speech to criticize Gorbachev for his failure to improve the economy. The disintegration of the Soviet Union began on the peripheries, in the non-Russian areas. Essay. The first region to produce mass, organized dissent was the Baltic region, where, in on residential, 1987, the a cover for a, government of Estonia demanded autonomy.
This move was later followed by similar moves in Lithuania and Latvia, the other two Baltic republics. The nationalist movements in the Baltics constituted a strong challenge to Gorbachev’s policy of glasnost. He did not want to crack down too severely on on residential segregation, the participants in these movements, yet at example essay and thesis statement, the same time, it became increasingly evident that allowing them to run their course would spell disaster for the Soviet Union, which would completely collapse if all of the periphery republics were to demand independence. After the initiative from Estonia, similar movements sprang up all over the former Soviet Union. In the Transcaucasus region (in the essays segregation, South of the Soviet Union), a movement developed inside the Armenian-populated autonomous region of Nagorno-Karabagh, in the Republic of Azerbaijan. The Armenian population of essay communication this region demanded that they be granted the right to secede and join the Republic of Armenia, with whose population they were ethnically linked. Massive demonstrations were held in Armenia in solidarity with the essays on residential, secessionists in Nagorno-Karabagh. Essay Science Or Curse. The Gorbachev government refused to allow the population of Nagorno-Karabagh to secede, and the situation developed into a violent territorial dispute, eventually degenerating into an all-out war which continues unabated until the present day. Once this “Pandora’s box” had been opened, nationalist movements emerged in essays on residential, Georgia, Ukraine, Moldova, Byelorussia, and the Central Asian republics.
The power of the Central Government was considerably weakened by these movements; they could no longer rely on the cooperation of Government figures in the republics. Finally, the situation came to a head in August of 1991. In a last-ditch effort to save the Soviet Union, which was floundering under the impact of the political movements which had emerged since the formatting a cover for a research paper, implementation of Gorbachev’s glasnost, a group of on residential segregation “hard-line” Communists organized a coup d’etat. They kidnapped Gorbachev, and then, on August 19 of 1991, they announced on state television that Gorbachev was very ill and would no longer be able to govern. The country went into an uproar. Essay Communication Workplace. Massive protests were staged in Moscow, Leningrad, and segregation many of the other major cities of the Soviet Union. When the coup organizers tried to bring in the military to quell the protestors, the soldiers themselves rebelled, saying that they could not fire on their fellow countrymen. Communication Workplace. After three days of massive protest, the coup organizers surrendered, realizing that without the cooperation of the military, they did not have the power to overcome the power of the entire population of the country.
After the failed coup attempt, it was only a few months until the essays on residential, Soviet Union completely collapsed. Both the government and the people realized that there was no way to turn back the clock; the massive demonstrations of the “August days” had demonstrated that the formatting for a, population would accept nothing less than democracy. Gorbachev conceded power, realizing that he could no longer contain the power of the population. On December 25, 1991, he resigned. By January of 1992, by popular demand, the Soviet Union ceased to exist. In its place, a new entity was formed.
It was called the “Commonwealth of Independent Republics,” and on residential was composed of most of the independent countries of the office university, former Soviet Union. While the essays, member countries had complete political independence, they were linked to other Commonwealth countries by economic, and, in some cases, military ties. Now that the Soviet Union, with its centralized political and economic system, has ceased to exist, the fifteen newly formed independent countries which emerged in its aftermath are faced with an overwhelming task. They must develop their economies, reorganize their political systems, and, in office of chicago, many cases, settle bitter territorial disputes. A number of wars have developed on on residential, the peripheries of the former Soviet Union. Additionally, the entire region is suffering a period of severe economic hardship. However, despite the many hardships facing the region, bold steps are being taken toward democratization, reorganization, and rebuilding in most of the countries of the example of an introduction, former Soviet Union www.coldwar.org/articles/90s/fall_of_the_soviet_union.asp.
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